Life Will Go On
by Jared AA
Summary: Update *Chapter 17: 15 Mar #### AU Lyndy Jack Lisa. How life carries on no matter what happens or how you might feel. How do you cope with life's twists and turns?
1. Chapter 1

Takes place more than two years after Jack and Lisa broke up after his heart attack.

Heartland Lounge

"Where is your grandfather, Amy?"

"They rode out to check on some of the fence line where the cattle are grandma. Is there something I can help with?"

"No honey there isn't. I hope he gets back in time to go to the auction in high river. There will be auditioning for the entertainment acts for the next rodeo event. Casey and your dad said I was welcome to audition too. They mentioned I should take him along to get my foot in and maybe have a better chance at getting to gig at the event, since your grandpa knows some of the big wigs there like Rich."

"Oh grandma thats wonderful. I hope it works out for you."

"Me too honey. I hope your grandpa gets back in plenty of time."

"I'm sure he will. Well Ty and I will probably see you and grandpa there, we going too we need to see some racehorses that dad maybe wants to buy. "

"Since when has your dad become a racehorse enthusiast."

"Ahmm since he bought a horse named Lightening Dexter and learnt all about racehorses and how much he likes the challenge of owning one," Amy chuckles as she responds to her grandma in mild amusement.

"You mean the same Lightening Dexter your grandpa exercises and dotes on," a confused Lyndy inquires.

" Yeah the same," Amy uncomfortably states.

"Why is he housing him if its your dads," a baffled Lyndy further queries.

"Ahh…. I actually don't know why. Oh, my next client horse is here. See you later grandma," Amy hurriedly gets out before scurrying off.

—  
Let me know if this is worth continuing.


	2. Chapter 2

Outside the pen in front of the barn at Heartland.

Tim Fleming comes tearing down from the hill, comes to as stop when he notices Amy working with a new horse.  
"Hi Amy, I see your new client horse arrived."

"Hi dad yeah just been getting a feel for him. The owner said after awhile the horse becomes a bit high strung and becomes uncontrollable. They're afraid to get near because he might injure someone."

"Okay but just be careful," Tim concerningly expresses.

"Where's grandpa, weren't you checking the fencing together dad."

"Yeah we were but these days your grandfather is unbearably ornery. So I left him to brood on the way back and high tailed it outta there as fast I could."

"Do you need him for something because I got to tell you Amy, you don't want to be asking him anything in the mood his in."

"Believe me dad I know what you mean, he'll do what you ask but so indifferently. It makes you wonder where his head and heart is at these days."

"We both know where its at. Whatever happened between him and Lisa after the heart attack really took it out of him. I know with Lyndy's miraculous rising from the ashes act a couple months after that, we thought he would get back to normal but that hasn't been the case."

"Dad!" Amy chastises him.

"What! Its the truth Amy."

"That he misses Lisa like crazy isn't rocket science. We've been here before when Lisa travelled. But then he always had those phone calls to look forward too. More important than that was as much as he missed her, he knew it was temporary and was placated with the phone calls and that made all the difference to him."

"I know dad but its different now. Grandma is back and I thought things would go back to how they used to be when I was a little kid."

"I don't know about you Amy, but I remember exactly how Jack was in those days. He was taciturn and crusty and not to mention a veritable hermit. The first time I met him even after a decade he was that way but this time there was a touch of softness in those eyes. I thought it was because of him mellowing with age but I was wrong. I found out from Hudson's finest spy, that's the first time he laid his eyes on Lisa."

"And just who is Hudson's finest spy, that thinks they know this."

"Really Amy you don't know. Come on! Hudson's finest spy is none other then our own Mallory Wells! Who knows and sees all, especially when it concerns Jack."

"I thought having grandma back would focus him, give him something to live for after Lisa. He was so grief-stricken when grandma died. I thought they'd pick up where they left off."

"You mean supposedly died," Tim sarcastically offered up. "She decided to allow that pharmaceutical company to fake her death."

"Only because she didn't want grandpa to suffer any more then already he was with all the cancer treatments she was going through."

"The treatment was done in eighteen months Amy. Eighteen months Amy! She decided not to come back after she was cured, wanted to live her own life and be free. She let Jack continue believing she was dead Amy! So it might have started out as altruistic trying to spare him but after getting a second chance, she didn't want to be in Jack's or Morion's life or yours or Lou's for that matter," Tim bitterly proclaims.

"But she's back now dad and we should give her a chance. Grandpa should forget about Lisa and concentrate on grandma," voiced Amy earnestly.

"He can't just erase Lisa from his mind or heart Amy, don't you think his tried. Lyndy was the one that left," Tim holds up his hands staving off her defence of Lyndy and continues. "I know you going to say she did it for him but Amy, she didn't want to continue her life with Jack after she was cured. And you know what a funny thing happened, eventually Jack moved on and found someone to love and I'm glad he had someone to be there for him. What are we suppose to do Amy, pretend that Lisa doesn't exist that Jack didn't love her. Because I don't remember anyone pretending Lyndy didn't exist when Lisa was around. She had to live with the knowledge of how much Jack loved Lyndy and I didn't ever see her complain or get upset about it."

"Why would she complain or be even be upset about it. She wasn't in grandpa's life how could it even affect her," Amy naively retorts.

"Can you honestly say that you wouldn't be hurt Amy if the situations were reversed and Ty had a first wife, kid and grand children and was widowed. You were his new girlfriend and had to continually put up with his past and the memories, traditions, mementos that came with it."

Tim contemplates telling Amy a secret. "I'll tell you a secret Amy, I get upset sometimes because it its feels like no matter what I do, it feels like I will never be beloved to Casey as Hank was. They had a wonderful life together and she has memories, traditions and keepsakes that remind her of her love for him. It hurts a lot Amy but there is nothing I can do about it. If it wasn't for Lisa, Casey and I would have ended long ago. I always admired the way Lisa never denied Jack and all of us for that matter, indulging in our memories or traditiuons of Lyndy and Marion and never guilted any of us about it. Can you imagine what that must feel like Amy?"

"I guess I never even thought about how it made Lisa feel. I guess she had to put up with it if she wanted grandpa as part of her life. But you're right if I was in Lisa's shoes I know would it would hurt me and like you said maybe I'd feel that I come second Ty's heart or in Lisa's case third or forth maybe sixth with mum, me, Lou and the girls taking precedence as well." Amy deep in thought whispers, "Lisa must have really loved grandpa because we weren't the most welcoming bunch."

"Yeah Jack was a lucky guy to have someone love him, especially with everything that came with him already having a family."

"Anyway you're right we can't pretend Lisa didn't exist. Grandma kinda noticed that grandpa dotes on Lightening Dexter even though she doesn't know why."


	3. Chapter 3

I look out at the vista laid out right before my eyes and I know its been, as its always been, but these days I can't muster up the enjoyment for it. I seem do everything by rote and find it difficult to attain any satisfaction in it. Going through the motions of life is what my life has come to. I don't know how things ended up the way but it did, all I know is it did and my life seems almost pointless. Trudging through one day after another trying to find an escape from my life.

They say be careful what you wish for in life because someday it might come true. I can vouch for that. There was a time when I would have given anything for Lyndy to have come back from the dead. Now I wish she'd stayed there. I don't know how to go back in time or more to the point, I don't want to go back in time and be that young calf, who had shit for brains. I loved her once, yes but that was a long time ago. I loved her with all I had but I didn't know myself back then and hid most of who I was from her. I loved her the best I knew how back then, with who I was and with the experiences that moulded me at that stage of my life. But it is nowhere near the rich enveloping intimacy all embracing yearning love I have for Lisa, the love of a man, not a boy.

What Lyndy and I had was nice, but now I wish she wasn't back in my life because I don't know how to be to her, what I used to be. I was young and so was she and we fell in love and had a family. I was travelling with the rodeo circuit and she was travelling with her band. While I lived my life on the rodeo circuit, she lived her life with her band travelling. Marion was cared for by my folks and grandparents when we were on the road. Looking back we were more apart in first half of our marriage then we were together. We eventually settled down after my rodeo days and she slowed her travelling with the band. We did make it work but I think if it wasn't for Marion we wouldn't have tried so hard. That we created a family and had wonderful times there is no doubt.

I will never forget the life we had, but I eventually I moved on. It was the last thing I wanted but just one look at Lisa and in no time, she was all I wanted. I did move on with Lisa, and now my heart belongs to her and only her. Its strange but it has nothing to do with Lyndy, that man that loved her doesn't exist anymore, its just that Lisa is my now and forever love. I can't change the way I feel, I've tried but I can't get Lisa out of my mind. I still burn for her, the memory of what we had won't let me go.

My heart-attack was just a manifestation of my broken heart. It was like Lisa took all the sunshine with her and left behind the bleak ice cold snow that I had to live with by myself. After the heart-attack I felt so listless and didn't know what I wanted anymore until Lisa came. I remember how the deep seated cold penetrating loneliness lifted from me. She brought with her, all the sunshine and vitality, I needed to recover. And god, I need that or more to the point, I needed her so badly. But after I had regained enough strength and my mind became more settled, I began to picture what our future would look like. And I didn't like what I saw. Lisa young, beautiful full of verve and vitality being held back by me an old man, looking after me in my dotage, spoon feeding me mash potatoes.

More than that, I wouldn't be able to be a real man to Lisa and fulfil all her needs. She is a young vital woman that has needs, needs a man wants to be able to fulfil. Lisa has a high sexual drive and can be dominant or submissive depending on what she needs at any given moment. That Lisa excites me beyond measure, is the one thing I never doubted. Until I realised what would happen after my heart-attack and if I couldn't fulfil her, the way a man should take care of the woman he loves. That scared me more than anything ever has, it made me angry that I wouldn't be able to satisfy her, be a real man to her, the way I wanted to be, needed to be.

Thats not what the foundation of our relationship was built on but as a man I couldn't bring myself to deprive her of something so intimate and primal. That we could have had a relationship without that type of intimacy was a given. We gravitated towards each other, loved each others company and could talk about pretty much anything amd everything. Lisa had a way of making me want to do and be more, not just for her but for me as well.

I find myself entering the barn by osmosis. I untack the horse and brush him down. My mind on Lisa and how much I miss her, how much I miss who I was with her.

After I get done, I make my toward the house. I'm pretty sure Tim and Casey will be here to pick up me and Lyndy up.

* * *

Inside the Heartland Ranch House

Lyndy put her guitar down as Jack enters the house and takes of his boots. "I thought you forgot about today."

"No, I didn't." Jacks makes his way to the room. "I'll be out in a minute, just let me get a change of clothes."

"You were cutting it pretty close Jack. If you didn't want to go with me, you should have just said so and not be passive aggressive about it," Lyndy interjects irritatingly.

"What are you talking about? I'm here and I said I take you," Jack frowningly replies.

"No Jack, you just nodded your head yes, when I asked if you'd come with to the high river auction and audition. That was yesterday at supper and I didn't see you, let alone talk to you after that."

Jack turns around exasperated. "Well I'm busy."

Astounded she responds. "Yes Jack, I know you too busy to do anything or too tired in evening to do anything other then sleep right."

"What do you want from me Lyndy," Jack wearily utters.

"I want you to show some interest in me or what I'm doing. Is that too much to ask Jack. You won't come near me, you'll do anything not to spend time with me."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is, Jack"

"You spend more time and are more attentive to that stupid horse Lightening Dexter than you do with me."

"It's a horse, it needs tending to."

"And I don't."

"Don't put words in my mouth Lyndy. You can't expect everything to get back to the way it was before."

"Why not Jack, we agreed to try and make it work for the family"

"And I'm trying, Lyndy."

"Fine."

"Do you want me to go with you or not. If not, I have more ranch work to get to."

"Yes I want you to come with me." Just as Lyndy answers Tim and Casey pull up.

* * *

Tim honks the horn like a crazy person. Jack actually enjoys Tim's perverse behaviour sometimes. It helps to distract him from what his life has become. He knows Tim offered to take them because he figured out that things with Lyndy were not as it used to be, between them. He's gonna have to owe him for this. Casey tells Jack to take the front seat while her and Lyndy get into the back seat of the double cab.

"So Casey how's touring with the rodeo circuit going this time around," Lyndy politely enquires.

"The same old you know, from one place to another in quick time, set up and get going and party a bit after the end of the rodeo event but pretty much, rinse and repeat."

"Don't you get tired of the travel and not having roots."

"Well, I have roots but they not firmly planted anywhere. Maybe one day I'll be fed up and give it up but for now its still gives me a thrill. We get to put on great shows and give people a chance to compete and people get some pretty good entertainment out of it."

"Without kids and a husband with being young, I guess you free do as you please and have no obligations to anyone but yourself."

"Thats not exactly true. Yes, while it may appear that I can do whatever I want, I still need to take into consideration of the effect it has on the people closest to me. So any decision I make still carries some level of burden. I can't just do what I want, whenever I want because they have repercussions, on my life as well as those close to me."

"I guess you're right but I remember when Jack was on the road and how much I missed him. I put my heart and soul into my music to get rid of the loneliness. It made for great song writing being a rodeo wife," Lyndy forlornly voices.

Tim glanced at Jack and could see his jaw set in what can only be described as vexation. Thank god the rest of the way Casey was on the phone constantly with sponsors and organisers sorting things out for the up coming rodeo. Jack seemed to have calmed down after his earlier vexation, just in time as Tim pulled into the High river auction and audition.


	4. Chapter 4

At High River Auction and Audition

Lyndy takes Jacks arm as they make their way to entertainment audition area with Tim and Casey. Jack knows quiet a few of the people, who come over to greet. Lyndy introduces herself as Jack's wife much to his consternation. Sometimes the scrutiny would be lingering, trying figure out what happened to Jacks last girl. But they all refrain and they get on with the pleasantries and platitudes that these events seem to be all about. Lyndy takes the lead and tells people she's here for the half time entertainment audition. People are thrilled they have such a vaunted singer and praise Jack about his choice of woman. Jack very uncomfortable at being forced to endure, what he feels is farce of a conversation. He politely nods at appropriate times and reluctantly issues a few words here and there, but nothing more then that. Jack unable to shrug Lyndy's arm of off him, has to endure the chit chat while socializing and networking for Lyndy.

"Jack, we didn't know your wife was in a road house band."

"Yeah, she was," he robotically utters.

Lyndy retorts, "He doesn't like to brag,"

"You're too modest, Jack. Who wouldn't want the world to know they are married to someone so gifted."

"Jack used to be in a band as well. He can hold quiet the tune and hold his own on a guitar," claims Lyndy.

"Really! The same Jack Bartlett, standing right before my eyes."

"Yes, the one and only. But Jack doesn't do crowds anymore. So you won't get to see him up on stage singing and playing"

"Come on, Jack. The both of you on stage would be a real crowd pleaser."

"Rodeo Legend and musical sensation would definitely add a buzz to our rodeos," voices one of the sponsors or organizers.

"Yeah, I don't think so guys. That's not happening," Jack shuts that ides down.

"So Jack, where have you been hiding this talented woman."

Both Lyndy and Jack, uncomfortable and speechless have a deer caught in the headlights look about them.  
Thankfully Tim comes to the rescue with, "Guys he has to keep you guessing. Otherwise, what fun is it."

They all laugh and now distracted from the previous conversation, continue with their attention focused on what type of music Lyndy can offer up. All music talk and event entertainment planning talk, making Jack want to pull his hair out. Casey joins them and Jack's finally feels that an hour and half of socializimg is enough, now that Lyndy seems to know everyone and Casey has arrived. Jack sees his opportunity to get some fresh air that his body badly needs, quietly escapes the room unnoticed.

* * *

Finally, thank God, I got outta there. There is only so much schmoozing I can take. I did my job and introduced Lyndy to all the big wigs and decision makers. Now its up to her and for that she doesn't need me. My duty done, I can take a breather and not be inundated with questions I don't care to answer or looks of curiosity, I would rather not be the subject of.

I make my way to an open yard area which is free and airy, away from the pretentious schmoozing people of self importance. I can't help but break into sweet smile at scene playing out before me. A toddler and what I assume is his father rough housing and playing tag. Squeals of laughter and utter joy escaping both of them as they continue to play. The young boy walks up to the pony, takes hay and offers it up to the horse leaning over the open place recreation area railing. The father quickly runs towards the boy as he tries too feed the pony. "Jace, don't. Your mother will kill the both of us, kiddo."

His quiet right to admonish the boy for offering the hay to a pony of whose temperament he has no clue of. He swiftly grabs the boy and hold him to his chest in relief that the boy was not injured. The boy starts to cry but his father knows how to placate him, throws him up in the air and then catching him, making the boy squeal in delight asking for more. His crying bout efficiently nipped in the bud. "Kiddo, imagine if you started an all out cry and your mother came out. I sure would be in a lot of trouble. We've talked about this haven't we, Jace. You help me to stay in mommy's good graces and I'll keep on making banana pancakes and give you some of my bacon to chew on. I thought we came to an understanding, Jace. Now look at you trying to go back on it. Not fair ,kiddo. You know I need all the help I can get with your mum." His father indulgently with an amusing lilt talks to the boy while catching him after throwing him in the air again.

Out of nowhere a little tornado comes out demanding the same treatment. "Me up sky, sky."

"Oh Jace, look who decided to join us. Theo kiddo, is mummy in your pocket." The father playfully asks the young boy.

The boy looks behind at his pocket and shakes his head no. His fathers sarcasm goes straight over his head. "Side, mummy e..side."

"Yes, kiddo she's inside looking at the horses. That's why, I want to know how you got here."

"Luc… luc." The boy points at some young men about the fathers age. I didn't see him on the edge of the opening to the recreation area.

"Ah…. uncle Luke brought you out here. Thought you'd escaped your mum, uncle Luke and his friends." The father tells the boy.

"Mr. Bowman, Ms. S said she'd be out soon," the Luke guy states.

"Ahh…. the horses, not up to her high standards. Not even, a one of them kiddos. Your mum is very particular. Let me tell you a secret, she doesn't just take anyone or anything at face value. Well, except for her exes, who kiddos, I've got to say are colossal A….S….S…..E…..S"

The boy Theo now insistent he wants his turn to be thrown in the air and be caught buy this father.  
"Me s…ky, me.. me"

"Okay Jace, your turn to play wingman, kiddo."

"Ready for launch, Theo." The boys father seriously voices in character.

"Ady…ady sky." Theo answers excitedly.

"If you ready, here goes nothin." The father throws the kid up and catches him, repeatedly performing the same act. Eventually, giving the boys one turn after the other making sure to keep them both happy. Watching them, its obvious they must be brothers. They are the same height, have same odd eye colour, different colours in both eyes, one blue and one green. I've got to say they are adorable and I can't help but be enamoured by their ebullience.

The father eventually, takes a break from the 'sky game'. He finds a bench to sit on, the kids following behind emulating his actions. They both climb onto his legs, up and onto him. He scoops them into an embrace and one of the boys affectionately coos, "Love you," with the other adding cooingly " Love you, too." The tender hearted moment has me misty-eyed.

The father kisses both their heads and affectionately counters back, "I love both of you more than anything in the world, kiddos. I wouldn't trade you for any thing in the world."

* * *

Tim comes addling down the hallway looking for me. I decide not to evade him, incase he needs some help from me.

"Jack, where have you been. I was worried you took off," Tim huffs.

"Well you can see I'm right here. Is there something you needed," I causticly reply.

"No, just checking on you. What the hell are you doing here."

"Just needed some fresh air, get away from all the hobnobbing."

"So, why you still inside instead of out there."

" Just watching a father play with his little kids. Didn't want to impose or disrupt their little game."

Tim takes a peak outside and appreciatively whistles. I shake my head wondering what has gotten into him.  
"You mean you were checking out the super fine blonde, with the baby in her arms."

"What in Gods name are you talking about. I just said…. Oh, they weren't there before." As I turn around looking out into the yard the little boys and their father appear to have company. A baby on the hip of a blonde lady whose back is to us is now all standing at the bench with little boys hanging on their mothers legs. Well, I assume that's their mother.

"My little angel, let me carry you, lets give mum a break." The father entices the little girl on the hip of her mother. Both little boys then helped up into their mothers arms.

"So, I guess this means none of the horses come even close to your high standards. I'm just sayin darlin ….. ," The boys father teases their mother. I can't hear the end of what he says to her. He steps right into her leaving no room before he whispers something only for her ears. He bursts out laughing as she gently whacks his free arm.

He softly kisses the top of her head in affection and what I assume, is also a form of apology for whatever he just whispered to her. Their obvious familiarity and intimacy makes a portrait of a perfectly happy family. Their little family scene is so tender it makes my heart ache with tenderness.

Startlingly I see a familiar face of the past in Harry, Lisa's right hand man at Fairfield stables. "JB there is a gentlemen waiting at the house for you," Harry states to the father.

I have an uneasy feeling overcome me as Harry relays the message.

The beautiful blonde whose back is turned away from me turns to Harry and answers. "It's fine, Harry. Let Adrian know he'll be there shortly."

My breath hitches as I finally set my eyes on the most beautiful sight, I've seen in over two years. Those blonde tresses shining in the sunlight, those eyes still as captivating as ever. Blue, sparkling, mesmerizing and now filled with something I've never seen in them. All of the sudden I'm hit with the realization all at once. NO… NO.. No it can't be. Lisa has a family, kids and a husband. Those adorable boys and the little angel that's enfolded in her fathers arms.

"Lise we can stay, I can reschedule," the father of her children responds.

"No, JB there is no reason to. I'm not interested in any of the horses. Believe me, I rather to be at home anyway since I didn't want to actually come out for this in the first place. Also they all need to sleep, its almost nap time so this works out better".

"Okay guys you heard the lady lets get a move. Theo, Jace get down from your mum. I'll take you kiddos or Uncle Luke and Uncle Jason will take you guys."

Both kids shake their head vigorously in the negative.

"Julliet, I guess it will just be the two us tonight, barbecuing at the bonfire, darlin."

Both boys hurriedly let go of Lisa while adamantly stating they too want to be apart of the bonfire barbecue. "Me bon… me bon."

"You do know how to get your way, JB. You could sell ice to eskimos. That's why you're the hottest ticket at Cattle Baron's Ball," Lisa amusingly informs him.

"Oh darlin, you are very well aware that I have eyes for only three gals. This little angel right here in my arms you and another special lady. You are still the most stunningly gorgeous woman I've ever seen, Lise."

Lisa takes the baby from his arms and mirthfully responds, "You've always been full of blarney. But I love you anyway."

"Oh… that wounds me Lisa."

"Jules what do say, do you want give him a kiss to boost his wounded ego."

"Of course she'll give me a kiss. Now if only I can get mummy to do the same.. huh..,Jules."

"Well, you have to work for it. I'm sure you'll find a way."

"I'm sure, I will, darlin."

Luke and Jason, escort Lisa and her family towards their vehicle. Leaving Jack and Tim in a stupor after having witnessed what enfolded in front of them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note: Obviously, I'm not doing a good job in my storytelling if readers are confused about how Lyndy is back in Jack's life. Just to clarify, everything happened as per the tv series, up to Jack's heart-attack. Lyndy did indeed pass away from cancer. And as you all know he eventually moved on with Lisa. But now Lyndy is back in Jack's life. Hopefully, in this chapter it will be clearer, how she came back from the grave.  
**

* * *

A catatonic Jack just stares into the void left by Lisa and her newly formed family. I need to get Jack out of here. He looks devastated, looks life the living dead at moment. I afraid his going to have another heart attack right here. I grab Jack's arm and guide him towards my truck. I have to open the truck door for Jack, help him in because he has no idea what his even doing at the moment. It seems like his an automaton, just going with the flow, needing direction to function on the most basic level. I leave Jack in the truck and go look for Casey.

I find Casey, thank God Lyndy is not with her. She notices me and comes over.

"Where have you been, Tim? I have been looking for you everywhere. I thought maybe you went to check on some horses for the rodeo school," she slightly reprimands.

"Listen Case, I need to leave with Jack, I've got to get him out of here," Tim distressingly gets out.

"Is he, okay? Is it his heart again, Tim?" Casey worriedly enquires.

"Ahh…. Not, really. At least I don't think so," he unsurely answers in deep thought.

"What do you mean you don't think so?" Casey disquietly retorts.

"Listen Case, I can't get into it with you, right now to give you a blow by blow run down. Suffice to say that Lisa, Jack's ex was here and he sort of bumped into her, and her kids, and husband," Tim discreetly informs her.

"Lisa has kids! A husband!" a shocked Casey express.

"Yeah, if we're shocked and taken aback, imagine how the old man is taking it. I need to get him out of here, some place quiet to process. I need you to take Lyndy home with you. I don't know how you going to get a lift home but I need you to please do this Case. Jack's pretty out of it at the moment."

"Yeah, don't worry I'll sort something with someone. You just go take care of Jack. What am I going to tell Lyndy about his disappearance."

"Tell her something happened to one of my rodeo horses and I needed Jack's help."

"Okay, that will work. Go take care of him, I've got this," Casey genuinely comforts Tim with her compassion.

"Thanks Case, I mean it. This means a lot to me," Tim sincerely thanks Casey.

* * *

I make my way quickly to my truck. Thankful Jack is still in there. He doesn't even acknowledge that I'm right there, next to him. I worried but right now, I think its better just to get him away from here, give him space from the place that has probably shattered what's left of his already broken heart.

I don't know where I'm driving to. All I know is took a turn and now I'm on a road to somewhere that hopefully Jack can start to destress. Hell I don't even know what I'm feeling at this moment in time. How could she have forgotten Jack, and started a family so fast? I'm shocked and little angry at Lisa for moving on and doing this to Jack, to us. But I realise I'm being unfair to Lisa. What was she, suppose to do? Pine for him forever and live out the rest of her life in loneliness.

Hell, Jack has Lyndy back now. So, was Lisa suppose to not carry on her life. Obviously, Lisa would have found out about Lyndy coming back to life and into Jack's life. How could she not? I'm sure the gossip about her scandalous return from the not so permanent grave was hot news. Although now that I think about it, not as hot of a news item as Jack and Lisa had been when they were together and people talked about it. The cougar and the cowboy that's what people referred to them as. The other was, the supermodel and the rodeo legend or condescendingly as the thoroughbred and the old goat. There were endless references about them being together and it never died down no matter how long they'd been in a relationship. People were just jealous they were happy together and managed to make time for each other despite both their complicated lives and vastly different lifestyles.

I know Lyndy's back in Jack's life but I know he still loves Lisa. That's obvious to me, ever since she left, after he came home from the hospital after the heart-attack, his been brooding and crustier than I ever remember him being. Having Lyndy walk back into his life, like nothing happened was discombobulating, not just for him but for all of us. She had the pharmaceutical company fake her death, decided after she was cured, not come back to her family but live her life, to be free and independent. And then when she had, had enough of the independence, or more likely she has no money, and no place over her head, she decides to come back into his life.

Jack must feel like a sucker and pretty damn angry at Lyndy. But its more of an inconvenience then hurt. It happened and while he didn't like what she did, he can accept it, if only she didn't come back into his life and ask him to make a go of their relationship after decades of hiatus. He doesn't feel that type of love for Lyndy anymore. He loved Lyndy before yes, but from what I've seen it's nothing compared to what he had with Lisa. He loved Lyndy differently and now he knows a different type of love with Lisa and doesn't know how, or doesn't want to go back to that type of love. He moved on with Lisa and left Lyndy in the past where she belonged, only to have her come back from the dead and wreck havoc on his already strained psyche.

How much more can Jack take, I honestly don't know. Because firstly how does one even reconcile Jack's supposedly deceased wife, alive and well and came back to claim her family. Supposedly, had died of cancer but was given a chance of experimental drugs to help cure the cancer but had to go away to a facility in the States, for a few years to get into the program. She didn't want to see her family suffer anymore so she had asked the drug company to fake her death. After 18 months at a research facility and cured and fully recovered, she was allowed to get on with her life. But choose not to go back to her family. With her new found zest on life, decided to go out on her own, live life, have fun unencumbered by a husband and family.

Now this revelation about Lisa and her new family. I don't think Jack has it in him to take much more or that he even wants to anymore. Watching that little scene play out, had to have been painful for Jack. It was tender and wholesome leaving me wistful. I can only imagine the impact it had on Jack, who still hasn't said a word or acknowledged anything around him. I know Lisa was young enough to have kids, but she was with Jack and I didn't think about them having kids. I guess it didn't cross my mind because I see Jack as my father-in-law. But Lisa was young enough to start a family with Jack, I wonder why they never had a kid or kids. Looking at Lisa with her kids, it was obvious how natural a mother she actually is. I should not be surprised as she has nurtured everyone at Heartland in way or another. Katie absolutely adored Lisa. Both Amy and Lou would seek some sort of subtle support from Lisa when they needed some guidance on things concerning their relationship or other personal matters. Lisa was a big part of our lives and was enmeshed in our lives without us not noticing at all.

Jack would have made a great father. Although I'm his son-in-law, I would have loved Lisa and Jack's kid as an uncle and would have thought the kid all the things, I knew would drive Jack up the wall. That's a moot point now. That horse has definitely left the barn. The father of Lisa's kids seems like he walked out of a catalogue. When I first met her at Jack's house, at Amy's afterparty which we were celebrating her winning the fall finale, I imagined her with a guy just like this catalogue guy. Striking handsome, self assured and wealthy. It was my injudiciousness, that had me initially believing a guy like catalogue guy was more her league than Jack ever was. I don't know if it was only Lisa coming into his life, but I do know that Jack is a even a better man, than the man I knew, when I was married to Marion.

He was always an honest, decent and a straight shooter but now or rather when he was with Lisa there was an added indistinct layer of softness about him. When he was in relationship with her, there was this tender-hearted, compassionate, affectionate, openness aspect to him which rounded the rough edges of Jack's somewhat crusty personality. Lisa's catalogue guy seems well suited for her, handsome, commanding, stern, composed with the same added touch of tender-heartedness, compassion, affection and not to mention the wealth. Jack and Lisa were always great together and I'll always root for the two of them to be together. But if they can't be, this catalogue guy seems a good fit from what I just witnessed. If I witnessed it, so did Jack. I'm pretty sure some of these same thoughts must be going through Jack's mind. It must be excruciatingly painful to see the woman he loves with another man and with a man she now has children with. It doesn't matter if he thinks the man is worthy of her, it still has to hurt like hell.

My driving has somehow lead us to Jack's fishing cabin. A remote place, isolated and a place maybe where he will be able to finally, come to terms with what he just witnessed. I look across at Jack before I attempt to make my way out of the truck, he still seems catatonic until I reach to open the door. Jack reaches his hand across, places his hand on my chest to stop me from exiting the truck.

"No, I need to be alone." Jack hoarsely utters, in obvious anguish. "Come back tomorrow late, late afternoon."

"Wait take this, it's sandwiches and hot coffee. It will last you until I come and get you." I worriedly respond to Jack as I hand him a box with sandwiches and a coffee flask that Casey made for her and I, in case we were pulling a very late night at High River.

Jack unconsciously takes the box and gets out the truck and heads to the porch of the cabin without another word. That's his way of dismissing me without having to say it. I look at Jack one last time before driving off. His staring at the chair at the far end like it's the most precious thing in the world. Suddenly, I don't know if bringing him here was such a good idea because he must have a lot of memories of him and Lisa being here. It's not like I can do anything about it now, so I drive off, hoping Jack can find a way to alleviate the heartache residing within.

* * *

 **Author's Note: Continuation as it would have been a spoiler if I put this in the beginning. If you didn't internalise with my storytelling of how Lyndy got to be at Heartland and in Jack's life.**  
 _Jack's supposedly deceased wife, alive and well and came back to claim her family. Supposedly had died of cancer but was given a chance of experimental drugs to help cure the cancer but had to go away to a facility in the States, for a few years to get the treatment. She didn't want to see her family suffer anymore so she had asked the drug company to fake her death. After eighteen months at a research facility and fully recovered she was allowed to get on with her life. But choose not to go back to her family and with her new found zest_ on _life decided to go out on her own live life have fun unencumbered by a husband and family._


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Note: Lisa guy that I'm trying to describe. Think Sawyer aka Josh Hollaway from Lost.**

* * *

"Where is Jack, Casey." Lyndy asks as she look around for Jack.

"There was an emergency with one of Tim's, rodeo horses. Jack went with him to help out." Casey informs her.

"I guess he couldn't be bothered to actually have watched my audition." Lyndy irritatingly retorts.

"You know Jack, if he can help, he will do the decent thing and lend a hand." Casey tries to placate her.

"Mmmm… I guess that's true to a certain point but you know Jack isn't a saint Casey. Sometimes he does things to avoid dealing with whats right in front of him."

"I sure that he isn't Lyndy. " Casey honestly lets Lyndy know.

"Jack's a hard and often harsh man, Casey. Not easy to live with. I know you all think I deserted my family but it wasn't a picnic living with him and being a ranch wife twenty-four seven you know. Jack was always on the road, going from rodeo to rodeo. The buckle bunnies on tour was always a temptation and what with Jack being one of the stars of the rodeo in those days, I can't say for sure what he got up to. He'd come home and we'd be a family for awhile and then he was back on the road again. Until he left the rodeo that was my life. I thought when he left the rodeo we'd settle into a routine, we did but it wasn't the routine I thought we'd have. He was doing ranch work from dusk till dawn, Sunday to Sunday. He made time for Marion on occasion and for me too but nowhere near as much as I wanted or needed. We made it work but Jack preferred being alone, didn't need more in his life and wasn't particularly attentive. His a simple guy, but you know I didn't know that, when we met because with his rodeo career it was a wild fast paced life. I admit I was restless, lonely and wanted more. Jack on the hand was perfectly fine with everything while tending to Heartland cattle was all he seemed really care about and made time for." Lyndy confides to Casey.

"I know you probably had your reasons for what you did. Honestly Lyndy it isn't my business. Why don't we get going, before it gets too late." Casey offers up to get out of this awkward conversation.

* * *

I know I'm at the cabin but it feels like I'm a million miles away on some barren planet a prisoner caged with unceasing desolation. I feel nothing but pain, pain so deep so gut wrenching that nothing else seems to register. This ever pervading painful distress that seems to heighten with every passing moment. It's the end of my life, a purgatory that I will have to endure by living in it with what I now know. It was heartbreaking before living without Lisa in my life. After my heart attack, after we broke up, I didn't know I could feel a pain that would eclipse that but I was wrong. Now that pain has only increased in magnitude, and depth, and has swallowed me whole. There are no words to describe what I feel now.

My utter joy at seeing her was quickly vanquished when I realised that she….. _I wipe at my tears that leave my eyes of its own volition. Not able to stop them from cascading down my face like rain in a storm._ I can't even think it, it too painful. All my mind has been doing is replying that scene in my head over and over again. A movie on a repeat loop that has been etched in my mind and has shattered, what's left of my heart. Lisa, and those children, and their father. What hurts more than anything, is I know I will never be able to have that with Lisa.

The thought of Lisa with another man drives me absolutely crazy. There are no words to describe, the contempt, the rage, I feel towards that man. It makes my blood boil just thinking about the way he kissed Lisa on her head with a familiarity and intimacy that was mine alone to bestow upon her. They have children together so they've done more than that. _My mind snaps, I go berserk and let out my rage on everything inside the cabin, breaking everything, ravaging everything, I can put my hands on._ I don't know how long I've been at it but the destruction speaks volumes of how much, I needed to smash and pound something.

 _I make my way outside to the porch, my energy spent my rage abated for now. With my rage attenuated, it makes way for my grief, a grief so painful, I collapse in anguish against the cabin wall finding my back against the wall as I slide down in a heap to the floor. With my_ heartbroken _my mind tortured with images of Lisa, her children and that man, my body wrecked with painful sobs like a river which banks have broken after a flood. I don't know how long, I sob but_ eventually _it subsides and I manage to look at the horizon and actually notice it._

I still feel the gut-wrenching pain, I still see that scene replaying in my mind but I think, I can start to think about it without wanting to do serious bodily harm to someone or something. _I stay seated on the floor of the porch against the cabin wall and think about Lisa._ Her eyes still so beautiful, sparkling blue mesmerising as ever, only now I can't seem to identify the underlying emotion behind them.

God I miss her, even more now than I had before. I don't even know how thats possible because ever since we spilt up, all I've done is think about her and feel the ache within my being for her. But now that ache in my heart knows no bounds and its eating me up inside. She looked so God damn beautiful, and my heart aches with how sweet she was with those children. Holding that baby in her arms, it seemed so right. When she had both boys in her arms, what appeared missing in the world? finally looks to have fell into place. There was this ethereal aura around them, a sense of belonging, a sense of divinity about that moment that will not leave me until the day I die. The intense yearning I felt and still feel to be apart of with her causes me more pain than I can bear. I'm disconsolate, I don't know where to go from here, I feel mentally, emtionally and physiaclly exhausted.

I wish I could go back in time and not say those words to Lisa. 'I don't think we should go to Arizona together.' I didn't want her looking after me like an old man. I didn't want to burden her, I wanted her to able to live her life. So beautiful, so young, so full of vitality, I wanted her to live her life with someone who could give her more than I could. Now, I wish I'd never thought that. She did what I wanted her to do, live her life with someone that could give her everything. Although, I don't think I can bear it. To see her, have everything I know she deserves is something I thought I could live with and be happy with.

God those kids make my heartache. The wistfulness I feel is overwhelming. Watching them with their father at the time, seemed like a moment in time to saviour what was right with the world. But now I wished I'd never laid eyes on them. To know that those kids belong to the woman I love, is a cruel twist of fate. It hurts me more than I know how to describe. Their sweetness, innocence and exuberance etched into my heart, now tearing it apart because I know whose kids they are and I envy what that man has with my Lisa. Something that is indestructible a bond forged with blood that I will never have with her.

Watching her with the lovely baby girl in her arms still leaves me speechless. Lisa beauty is undeniable, now with the added dimension of motherhood, she exudes an innate disposition of maternal protectiveness for her cubs which makes her even more captivating. It leaves my heart in agony at the thought of her displaying that characteristic because of that man and not me. God those kids are beautiful, but they're not mine they belong to another man, a man that I wish didn't exist at all.

How I hate that man? Too familiar with Lisa for my liking, it's driving me out of my mind. His young, energetic and what Lisa would call ruggedly handsome. Sporting a five-o'clock shadow, long light brown hair that comes to his shoulders, with green eyes. His tall with just a touch of a southern accent. From what I saw his pretty engaged with the kids and they adore him. Lisa seems to adore him from what I saw. Everything about this man grates on my nerves.

* * *

"Amy you grandpa back, yet." Lyndy testily furrowing her brows enquires.

"No, grandma. I haven't seen him or my dad come by." Amy leaves the ranch house to go to the barn and attend to the horses.

Val enters the ranch house as she knocks on the door.

"Hello, Lyndy." Val greets.

"Hello, Val. What brings you buy?"

"Just wanted to see how you were doing after today."

"The audition went fine. So I guess I'm doing good. Thanks for asking?" Lyndy answers honestly.

"That great but that's not what I meant." Val remarks.

"What did you mean, Val?" Lyndy questions Val.

"Lisa, Jack's ex was there in High River. I just wanted to make sure you were, okay." Val informs Lyndy.

"What? The whore that was spreading her legs for him. I wasn't aware she was there. I didn't come across her." Lyndy states with disdain.

"She was there for a short period of time. Apparently my source told me she was looking at some horses. She was with her stable hand and some other people, I assume her horse breeding associates. Anyway, I thought maybe you bumped into her and needed a shoulder to cry on."

"No, I certainly didn't bump into her. What's she doing back?" Lyndy states and then looks for answers.

"I have no idea, I mean there is nothing left for her here. Jack is after all your husband. He doesn't need her anymore."

"What did he ever see in her? She's not exactly Jack's type you know." Lyndy pronounces.

"Tell me about it. I guess she was young, available and easy." Val speculates.

Patronizingly Lyndy adds, "Jack's a man, the temptation was probably to easy to pass up, I guess. It's not like she really meant anything to Jack, otherwise he would of married her."

"You know they were engaged at one point. It still puzzles me, why he'd ever do something so stupid? His not an impulsive guy… maybe he was drunk or something." Val theorises.

"Yes, I heard about that. Jack must have did it to appease her, and backed out after she was mollified."

"It would have never worked even if he serious about it," Val states with certainty.

"Really!"

"Off course, Lyndy. They were incompatible on every level. Their lifestyles were in no way cohesive and conducive to anything other than a wham bam thank you ma'am type of thing."

Lyndy giggles at Val's phrasing. "You always had a way with words, Val. I see nothing has changed."

"No, nothing has changed." Val phone goes off. She realizes she has be somewhere, "I got to get going for meeting. I'll see you around, Lyndy." Val rushes of as quickly as she came leaving Lyndy fuming with knowledge that Jack must have run into Lisa.

* * *

Will post as soon as I can mange it. Thank you for reading.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note: This is hastily written but I had to put out something for all of you waiting. The delay is unfortunate but work travelling commitments got in the way of my writing and posting anything. Please bear with me, hopefully I will be able to write more sooner if I don't have any more pressing work commitments. Thank you all for your patience and reviews which are much appreciated. Feedback welcome.

* * *

"Okay kiddos, its time for the bonfire barbecue. Don't give your mom a hard time and let her put on your jackets and boots." JB excitedly tells the kids. The twin tornadoes are in such a rush to get outside and be apart of this bonfire barbecue that they fly towards me with their enthusiasm almost knocking me back.

I laugh at their obvious enthusiasm bringing a smile to my lips to see their excitement at such a normal event. "Theo, stop turning towards the door and let me tuck your vest into your pants kiddo," I sternly get out at him.

"Urry mom… urrry," Theo excitedly squeals at me.

"If you'd stop fidgeting and let me tuck your vest in, I'll let you go," I try to get him listen but to no avail. "JB I need you in here," I scream knowing he'd be keeping an ear out if I need any help with the munchkins.

"Knew you'd need my help Sparkles," JB mischievously lets me know.

"Well, they won't settle even a little to let me get them squared away. Ever since you mentioned the bonfire barbecue that's all they've been able to talk about. Like some type of second coming," I laughingly tell him.

"Sparkles the start of barbecue season is a holy event. You know that, they may be little but my kiddos know the importance of it and are merely alluding to that fact by being overly enthusiasm. Can you blame them darlin. After all what more does one need, a warm fire, some steaks under the stars with your family how can it get any better," JB sentimentally informs me.

I chuckle at JB's delight covering Theo's ears reminding him quietly "I can tell them the time you almost barbecued me JB. I'm sure their hero worship would come down just a bit after that little tid bit and this event won't be as momentous to them knowing how you almost lit their mom on fire."

"You promised you wouldn't ever bring that up again Sparkles," JB woundedly glares at me with a fake hurt expression.

"Just saying no need to romanise the day too much because you have to make sure nothing happens to my babies," I utter to JB making sure he looks after them.

"And it's our babies, I was there the day they were born, I am here now and I have been there every moment in between. I will make sure I am extra vigilant Lise," he sincerely lets me know. JB quickly adds cheekily, "That's why I have you around Sparkles to keep me in line."

I'm finally done with Theo, Jace is ready for me while JB holds Theo in his arms. I manage to get Jace squared away in a jiffy as he adorably squishes his eyes shut and waits for me to finish. "Okay all done, you guys go ahead. I just want to check on her to make sure she's asleep and I'll be back with Jules while you boys get us started," I tell all my handsome boys.

"Okay mum," both Jace and Theo animately let me know.

"Okay Darlin, see you out there. Let get going kiddos. Lets show your mum we can behave and do things without her supervision and not burn anything down," JB lightly adds while talking to the boys who take in everything his saying.

* * *

The stars look like a spectacular painted canvas on the clear night sky. I sit on the porch swing with Jules in my arms watching JB with the boys. My eyes tear up at the patience he shows them while explaining the finer points of barbecuing. Helping them take turns to assist him turn the steaks making sure to keep their hands from burning. Theo and Jace are absolutely loving it. JB makes them apart of everything which delights me and makes my heart flutter with love for them. I just sit with Jules in my arms and taking in how stunningly handsome my boys are. I didn't ever think I'd be a mother and more then that I didn't know if I'd be able to love a child the way its needs to loved. But once they were born I was overcome with feelings of affection I anxiety didn't know existed within me. With Jules I had no such apprehension, I knew I had the capacity to love a child and was not anxiety ridden when I held her the first time. JB was always more confident and would always tell me he knew I'd make a great mother. He never let me believe anything other than that. I remember his words clearly when we at the hospital for the baby scans, 'Sparkles your good at everything you put your mind to so nothin to fret about, darlin. Anyway even if you do I'll always be there for you and we'll get through everything together. I be there for you no matter what. You and those kids are my lifeline and I'll be yours.' His been true to his word and has been my rock all this time, I honestly don't know how I would have managed if JB hadn't come into my life.

My heart was not just bruised, not just heart broken but shattered into tiny pieces. Obliterated and scattered among the ruins of lost cities, never to be found again. I was drowning in a sea full of tears, devastated beyond belief. My life had no meaning back then but I was thrown a lifeline. JB held me, loved me, needed me as much as I needed him. He picked me up piece by piece, off the ground. Every little piece he helped to put back in place and made me strong enough to want to go on and not give up. He took care of me, he loved me, his always been there for me loving me and loving them. His given me, given us everything, without him I wouldn't have the life that I have now. Theo, Jace and the girls wouldn't be here if he didn't come into my life and for that I will never be able to ever show just how much he means to me.

JB walks up to me bringing my mind back to the present and he takes Jules from me and pull me up to join them. He takes my hand in his and all three of us make out way towards the bonfire. Theo and Jace wait impatiently at the bottom of the stairs waiting to head back to the bonfire area and start to play now that the steaks are almost done.

* * *

I feel just like a hamster running around and around on his wheel. Only my thoughts are filled with images of Lisa with another man that I can't seen to turn off. That is all my mind can process at the moment. Her mesmerising blue beautiful eyes filled with lust for another man for THAT man. The image of THAT man caressing my Lisa's body, making her sigh with pleasure. Making her moan in ecstasy, feeling her sweet warm soft body against his. I try to drink my pain away, I'm on my second bottle of whisky and yet I can't get drunk enough to get her and more importantly THAT man off my mind. The image of him filling her with himself taking what is mine has me throwing up. I gulp more of the wisky to help try to erase that image of THAT man with my Lisa.

I wonder if he runs his fingers through her tresses, it's a sensual gesture that I loved doing when we together that she loved. I wonder if he caresses her skin the way she loves, the way I loved running my hands across her skin making her hitch in anticipation for the electric spark that would infuse both of us and draw us into a lustful trance so powerful nothing could stop it. I wonder if her body responds to his as it did to mine, writhing in the agony of a pleasure so sweet and so torturess. My every touch met with a hiss of breath or with a moan of utter rapture with her body seeking mine for something neither one of us knew how to describe.

Drowning my heartache with alcohol does absolutely nothing to abate the deluge of images, running through my mind, one after another of Lisa with THAT man, in an act of intimacy that was mine to keep and revel in. Does she loose control and leave the same scratch marks on his back, arms and torso that she did on mine? Does she scream his name to rafters as she did mine? Does he get to experience the exquisite moment of no beginning and end when gazing into those mesmerizing sparkling blue sapphire eyes knowing that you have undone her as she bares everything to you with those eyes beckoning you into the abyss with her.

Does he get to see in her eyes what was mine to keep and cherish? Does he know that Lisa is one of a kind? That her beauty is not only skin deep but her grace and humility goes clean to the bone. I wish I could reach for her hand right now knowing that she would experience the intimacy that passes between us with those seemingly infinitesimal gestures. Does he get to experience that too? He can't, he already has children with her a bond forged through their union with their blood running through their progeny's veins, he can't have more, he can't have what's mine to keep and cherish until the end of time. He can't take more from me then he already has. Please God don't let him have more than what Lisa has already given him.

Lisa needs someone in her life to look after her, to be there for her, to comfort her, to be her rock. I know that I failed miserably at all of them, I never wanted to get even closer to her than I already was. For both our sakes, I kept the fire between us from consuming both of us. I let it burn and smoulder but I made sure to never let it get out control or more importantly I always pulled back when it felt like we were careening over the abyss with no hand brakes on to keep us from going over the cliff never to be imprisoned again by the limitation put upon us by me. I know I hurt her by my callousness sometimes, my indifference, my reluctance to solidify what we had. I did that because I knew she deserved more, deserved better then an old man to live the rest of her days out with. Now all I want is to go back and take it all back. I want everything with her, I know another man will never love her as much as I do. I know another man will never know her the way that I do. Know when she hurts but puts on a brave front and smiles through it with no one the wiser. When she's stressed but powers through until everything is done. Goes beyond the call of duty even though it can be overbearing and pushy to people who don't understand that she's giving her all and wants to help out more then anything by trying to ease their work load.

On the porch with my back still against the cabin wall, a sudden breeze washes upon me with my name carried upon it by Lisa's gentle yearning voice. I ache for her so bad that even the almost three bottles of whisky does nothing to ease my need of her. The sun is rising but I find no wonder in it, all I feel is the world mocking me with its new lease on life for the new day dawning whilst my life is bleak without Lisa to lead me to the dawn of a new day to break-it-in with her and to bask in it with her until the next one, until the of my days.

* * *

I trudge towards the house, late the next afternoon. Feeling the worse for wear and mighty hung over, I just want to have a hot shower and fall asleep into a dreamless sleep. One where the ache and the pain will not follow, a dream that I don't want to have anymore, a dream too painful to keep on hoping for. Before I even reach the steps, I see Lyndy come out looking like ripping me a new one. Just great, what I need right now?

"Where have you been Jack," angrily Lyndy spits at me.

"What do you mean, where have I been? I really don't have to answer to you." I retort back just as angrily.

"You smell like a whorehouse," she vulgarly throws at me.

"Excuse me! And just, how would you know, what a whorehouse smells like?" I throw right back at her.

Lyndy slaps me across the face as hard as she possible can. Now I'm fuming. "What the hell was that for?"

"Don't act all innocent Jack," Lyndy rages at me.

"I don't know what's gotten into you, but I suggest you get rid of it real quickly. Because if you raise your hand to me again, I will forget my manners and that you're a woman. And that I promise you won't like," I impart to her through gritted teeth.

"What's gotten into me? You son of a bitch! What's gotten into me is that you have the audacity to come back into our family home smelling like a whorehouse, after you've been with your whore," Lyndy launches into me with a vituperative outburst.

"WHAT!" I utter dumbfoundedly. "I have not been with a whore. I just needed to let of some steam. I have a right to do that you know," I make sure to inform her heatedly.

"You may not think she's a whore but everyone in this town does Jack." Lyndy babbles on crazily.

"What and who are you talking about?" I try to find out from Lyndy. Going around in circles, beginning to do my head in even more. I'm not up for any metal processing whatsoever, at this moment in time.

"I know you saw her at the High River auction. Probably went to some seedy motel or maybe fucked her right there, in front of the horses giving them and everybody a free show. You know she's spread her legs every chance she got for Tim, Ty, Peter, Caleb even Jesse Stantoun. I didn't know you liked sloppy seconds Jack," Lyndy snidely tells me.

"Jesus Lyndy! Just who the hell do you think I was doing this with?" I demand through gritted teeth now absolutely livid at her vulgar outburst.

"I know SHE was there Jack. I heard that SHE was there. And conveniently you disappear and don't even bother to come home. It's hardly a surprise since you prefer to sleep on the couch or in the loft more often than not," she scoffs at me.

"Who is this imaginary woman, you have dreamed up Lyndy? Because I sure as hell don't know," I bemusedly ask her.

"Lisa, the whore that was spreading her legs for you, for all those years," Lyndy derisively throws out.

I step up to Lyndy faster than an unexpected lightening bolt racing across the sky and put my hand around her throat bringing to a halt the filth coming out of her mouth about Lisa. "Don't you ever say that about Lisa again. Do you understand me." I ice coldly state menacingly to Lyndy.

"Jack stop. Jack, let her go," Tim tries to come to Lyndy's aid. I don't even know where he sudden appeared from. I thought he left when he dropped me off.

I don't let go of Lyndy's throat, tighten my grip further trying to make her take back what she said. I wait until I hear, what I want to hear from her. "Not until I hear her say it." I steely voice making Tim stop dead in his tracks.

"Jack you're hurting her." Tim tries to break through my furious trance like state.

"Say it, Lyndy….. Because I'm not letting you go until you I hear you say it," I seethingly utter to her in a rage of fury.

"Jack she can't say anything, if you've got her in a vice grip." Tim carefully states to me.

I loosen my grip slightly on Lyndy awaiting her compliance to my demand. "Now say it, Lyndy."

"I won't say it again." Lyndy breathlessly manages to get out to try and soothe Jack's temper.

Tim stays there to make sure things don't get out of hand. I let go of Lyndy angrily and make my way inside before I do something we'll all regret.

"Thanks Tim," Lyndy voices her appreciation.

"Just so you know he wasn't with Lisa. Like he said, he just needed to let off some steam. I took him someplace quite to do that. That's all that happened." Tim relays to Lyndy.

Tim leaves to go into the house where all the kids watched that unfolding from the kitchen window.

* * *

Just who the hell does he think his fooling. I can see his been up all night and looks absolutely done in. Sure he was in a quite place letting off steam, but he was in that quite place with HER. That little two bit slut that he'd taken up with, the last few years before I came back, sure has her hooks in him. Probably dragged him away to have her way with him knowing I'd be occupied and she could work her charms on him. Jack's too weak when its come to a woman like Lisa. She knows how to work what she has to her advantage and Jack is too naive to see it. Her charms probably overloads his body with testosterone and fills his mind with images of her nubile naked body is too much for Jack to resist.

Since when is he into blondes. He'd never been too fond of them before. Now this harlot has him all turned around and thinks she can take him away from me and my family. Well she better think twice about that because Jack is going nowhere. We're married and she not going to take him from me because she's suddenly bored with her other boy toys in France. Jack probably just misses the sex because she probably put out whenever he wanted and was easy because she's a whore. What man, no matter how morally upstanding can resist the easy lure of sex that a whore can provide at any given moment. Certainly not a man like Jack who is a homebody and doesn't like to get out much if at all.

What is it about that whore that Jack found so irresistible that he decided to bring her into our grandchildren lives. Well, besides the obvious of her spreading her legs easily like the whore that she is. I mean she is okay looking in plastic sort of way. Everything bought at the plastic surgery shop no doubt, silicone tits, ass and lips, hair extensions, fake tan, fake nails, fake everything. I don't know when Jack became this shallow, he surely must know that he'd get tired of her and become bored with her after taking everything he needs from her. Probably why he didn't marry the whore and strung her along. After all he got what he needed without any commitment to her and got to live his life. The whore so stupid she probably believed that Jack was going to eventually make her his wife but everyone else knew better. Their relationship was perfect for Jack getting what he needed, never having to give up anything, and never having to make a commitment. The long-distance thing probably what kept him in it so long, they could be apart and not live together and be continents apart and hook up when she got back. Nothing too to fully commit to for Jack while still being able to call upon her charms when he needed. Maybe yesterday was a habit and he fell back into an old pattern but that doesn't mean I am going to allow him to disgrace me that way again.


	8. Chapter 8

Days turned into weeks of the same numbing yearning. This last three weeks have been trying, to say the least. After having my heart ripped out after seeing Lisa with her new family, my life now seems pointless. All I dream about is Lisa, but not that is anything new. Only now, I have the added image of THAT man and their children filling my dreams turning it into a nightmare that is so tormentful that I wish I never knew they existed in Lisa's life. On top of trying to put one foot in front of another to get through without crumbling from the anguish I feel, I still have to on occasion deal with Lyndy. I will not forgive her for what she said about Lisa. She doesn't even know anything about Lisa or what we shared. That she has the audacity to sling mud in Lisa's direction after what she did all these years is nothing short of laughable. I don't want to be in her presence anymore. Everything is some sort of test with her and for the life of me, I could care less whether I pass or fail them.

I wish time stopped the day Lisa and I were mending the fence and had our lunch on the cargo bed. We didn't just have lunch on the cargo bed that day we ended up doing much more then that right there in the field on the cargo bed of my truck. Lisa smile that day on the cargo bed still catches my breath. Beaming with pride at my declaration that I was impressed with her wire twisting skills, certainly added to her alluring beauty that day. She looked devastating beautiful, not made up for any type of fanfare just with her dark blue jeans, a dark grey shirt, a navy blue cap and her dark brown boots which was accompanied by those mesmerizing sparkling light blue eyes full of life, curiosity, purpose and love for me. I couldn't keep my eyes of off her and she noticed as much. I told her that she was 'something else' that she was 'beautiful' when she enquired in curiosity and bewilderment of my trance like state of observing her. I wish there was a word invented to actually describe how she looked and how I felt at that moment. Because that ethereal aura surrounding both of us at that moment was something to savour and etch into eternity to bask and revel in until the end of all time.

* * *

Flashback:  
After Lisa put the lunch goodies back in her SUV, she came back to the cargo bed to fetch her work gloves to carry on with her amazing wire twisting skills. Just as she turns and starts to walk away to the fence, I pull her back into me not letting her go. The front of my body pressed against her back my hands circling her waist as I hold her to me revealing in the feeling of having her in my arms.

"Just where do you think you going Ms. Stillman?" I playfully utter.

"Uhh.. Back to work Mr. Bartlett. I'm pretty sure those fences won't mend themselves and you not letting me go to tend to them doesn't help you or me."

"You know you could help me tend to something much more important and urgent," I whisper into her ear and I nuzzle into the crook of her neck dropping feather light kisses from her ear along her jaw bone.

"I don't know Mr. Bartlett. I don't think my boyfriend would approve," Lisa innocently answers.

I'm equal to the task and know exactly how to get my way. "Oh darlin, I think your boyfriend would approve," I let her know as my hands firmly run across her body inflaming it as I pepper kisses along her neck and into her shoulder.

"Really, you think he will be okay with sharing me because he gave me the impression that was never an option," she breathlessly replies knowing exactly which buttons to push.

I growl my disapproval at her assumption. I move my lips back to her ear making sure she can hear my every word, "God damn straight! You're mine, Lise. Just mine. Not sharing you with anyone ever," I possessively inform her as I nuzzle further into her neck.

She shifts her head up and to the right looking into my eyes knowing what she'll find in them. I bring my lips down to kiss her taking her breath away with the intensity of it and possessive nature of it. My arms possessively tightening around her waist as I deepen the kiss. I release my hold on her waist as we kiss and allow her to turn into my arms. My arms easily scoop her up as I swing her around and place her to sit on the edge of the cargo bed as her legs instinctively encases my hips between both of her gorgeous legs. Our kiss not broken by the motion of her placement on the cargo bed as her hands dislodge my hat as she runs her fingers through my hair.

I devour Lisa's mouth making sure she knows exactly who she belongs to. She's mine, no man will ever know her the way that I do, of that I am sure. My kisses more possessive and more demanding, leaving the both of us gasping for air and inflaming our bodies until we're about to combust as I taste blood on her lips while devouring her. I pull back from her, only to see that my forceful kisses have cut her lower lip. Lisa takes her index and middle finger and runs it over the cut collecting the blood on her fingertips while she licks her lip to seal the cut. I growl in possessiveness as I take her hand in mine as I suck the blood from her fingers one at a time using my tongue to moisten her finger as I lick the blood from her finger using my teeth to graze her fingertips as I release them. I run my thumb along the cut of her lower lip before taking it into my mouth as I watch Lisa's eyes flare with unconcealed arousal in anticipation of my lips upon hers. I run the tip my tongue along her lower lip before capturing her mouth between mine as I kiss her like a man possessed. I kiss along her collar bone, edging further down and start to undo the buttons of her shirt Lisa tries to half heartedly stop me from going any further.

"Oh, Jack we nee….d to stop. It's too… op…..en any one can cat…ch a glimp…..se of us we're ou….t in the open," she manages to pant out the words as I lavish her neck and torso with my kisses.

"Not too long ago you didn't have that concern. I do remember you having your way with me in a different but nonetheless open an area where anyone could have caught us," I counter smugly.

Lisa chuckles and hisses as I lavish a sensitive spot on the side of her neck that drives her crazy. "Point taken but it was your fault for looking so god damn sexy that I couldn't resist. You know it turns me on, when you're in full cowboy mode."

"I was loading some hay bales, I don't see how you got sexy or cowboy from that."

"Oh believe me, you were cowboy and all sexy as hell. When you're lifting hay bales, well it's manly. And the way you do it, is both manly and sexy which turns me on, a lot, I couldn't wait. I needed you right then and there."

"Well, if thats what works for you, I really can't complain. In fact I think I'll make it a point to always let you know when I'll be doing that again," moving my head back up to kiss her lips again.

"Please do that," she sassily informs me with a kiss.

"You sure can pull off ranch hand and sophisticated business woman with an ease that is seductive in its mastery. Do you have any idea what a turn on that is for me." I capture her lips fervently showing her what that does to me. Our lips fused together trying to devour each other, our breaths ragged, bodies starved of oxygen we reluctantly break the kiss gasping for air. "And I'm sure glad you're not a ranch hand anywhere else because you fit into these jeans and shirt, a little too well. You're mine, Lise and I'm going to enjoy what's mine anywhere and anytime."

I unclothe Lisa and mark every inch if her body with kisses and as my rough calloused hands run possessively over her marking her shudder with need. Lisa undid my shirt and ran her soft, smooth hands over my chest, combing my chest hair and lavishing my chest with kisses of her own driving me insane with need. I can't wait any longer and climb on the cargo bed taking Lisa with me, so that she lying on top of me. My kisses desperate and bruising now consumed with a wild need for her. I take off my shirt and leaving it as a sheet for Lisa as I interchange places with Lisa turning her onto her back on my shirt with me above ready to take what's mine. Her body bare to me, her body flushed with need for me, only excites me more, driving me wilder with a need to possess her, to make her mine in this lifetime and every lifetime before and after. That Lisa is breathtakingly gorgeous never ceases to amaze me, even after the handful of years we've been together. I take her lips into my mouth and kiss her like a man devouring the elixir of life, my lustful kisses become progressively more brutal as the need within me burns uncontrollably as the feel of her smooth skin on my torso, heightens my senses, sending me into a frenzy as her moans of pleasure are almost my undoing. My lips searing her entire body, my unshaven face tracing the same path throwing Lisa in the throes of ecstasy as I mark every inch of her body with my mouth, my unshaven jaw, my rough calloused hands all branding her for eternity as mine.

I unbuckle my belt as get rid of the rest of my clothes. I watch in captivation as Lisa opens her eyes after going over the edge. Those mesmerising sparkling blue eyes sated but still full of yearning. My eyes bore into hers, filled with a yearning so powerful with an ethereal ambience having enveloped the both us, as I take her savagely in an ageless rhythm, that arose at the genesis of life itself. For a fraction of a second I catch sight of Lisa sparkling blue eyes interlocked with mine, seeing a yearning that mirrors mine, a need for me to possess her and a reflected need for her to be possessed by me with reckless abandon.

Lisa's fingers dig into my back and shoulders with that same reckless abandon. I feel my skin break as her nails mark me as she clutches me to her trying to fuse our bodies together as my body ravages her taking us closer to the edge. My body taunt, the blood rushing furiously through my veins, my body drenched with sweat, Lisa moaning in rapturous pleasure as I growl unevenly, "You're mine, Lise. MINE!" Her sparkling blue eyes locks onto mine the moment I uttered my declaration of her belonging to me. Her eyes dilates with a look of undisguised fulfilment at my declaration that my entire being becomes inflamed to the point of no return.

My body now erratic with an abrupt instantaneous spasmodic violent release, taking Lisa over the edge with me. My body still wrecked with my release as I collapse onto Lisa with the aftershocks of my release still pulsating through me occasionally. Lisa and I still dazed riding out the aftershocks, our heartbeats still frenetic, our bodies seeming still recovering from the raw, lustful ethereal experience we just had. With my breath still ragged I manage to voice to her, "oh wow, Lise."

"Wow, indeed. But fair to say it's the understatement of the century," Lisa lets me know while chuckling.

I caress her body trying to soothe both of us back down to earth while I try to wrap my head around what we just did. "That was beyond biblical a celestial experience surpassing the human experience transcending it into a non-existential experience."

I find just enough strength to turn us over so that Lisa settles on top of me, not with the weight off my entire body on her soft, smooth, diminutive frame. I wrap Lisa protectively in my arms. Lying down with me, holding her in my arms, her heart against my chest with her lips pressed to me neck, the sun shining down on us, the fields, green, lush and fruitful, the rugged intense beauty of the rocky mountains with Lisa in my arms, making me feel like a God. She lifts her head the beauty of her sparkling blue eyes, now filled with contentment and a fulfilment, I wish would always adorn those gorgeous blue eyes and now I feel like the king of all Gods. _It's a feeling that I'll never forget as long as I have breath in my body, etched into my mind and now forged within the fabric of our souls beyond forever existing in a plane and place beyond time and space._ The ethereal aura still envelops us, our bodies sated, our hearts content we smooch and drift off, no longer able to fight both our body and mind's need to fall into a peaceful slumber.

* * *

I shake myself out the memory, still on Paint staring out towards the direction of Fairfield. My heart thumping at the memory of what we did. HE cannot have experienced what Lisa and I had that day. Although that day was unfathomable and a once off, Lisa and I came pretty close to being that magical more than frequently. The sexual chemistry we always had was unreal and cannot be matched. Or can it? Is it Lisa that made what we have so magical? Or was it what we both shared because of what we felt? That Lisa made me feel young and alive shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. But the things we shared with each other, it was an intimacy that was rare that was intrinsic between both of us. She knows things about me that nobody else does. She brought out in me things that I didn't even know existed within me. And now she's gone from me but those things that she brought out in me, still exists within me although she's not with me. Putting the genie back in the bottle is impossible. To be honest I don't know if I want to put the genie back in the bottle, I can't go back to the man I was before I met her. I don't want to go back to the man I was before I met her. But I'm lost without her, I'm dying without her.

My head has been all over the place. I can barely function after having witnessed that sweet familial scene between Lisa, their children and THAT man. I wonder what they're doing? If they're still at Fairfield because since Lisa left that place has been like Fort Knox you can't get in or any information out of there. I wonder what Lisa is doing? I wonder what those children are like? I wonder if THAT man holds Lisa in his arms? I wonder how often he kisses her? I wonder what type of father he is to her children? I wonder if she is happy with him? LISA'S MINE. Those children should have been mine. It should have been our family.

I don't know how to get rid of the thoughts I'm having. I know I shouldn't be having them. I know Lisa has her own family now but I don't know how to live with it. I don't know how not to want to be apart of it. I don't know how to not want to be THAT man because he has everything I want with Lisa. All I know is that the rage and contempt I feel for him increases every minute, every hour, every day, every passing week.

I barely been at the ranch house. I don't want to see anybody or talk to anybody. Most of all I want to be nowhere near Lyndy. She must not know me well enough because I can barely look at her without wanting to choke the life out her after what she said about my Lisa. I spend my days in the fields and the rest of the time in the loft because I need to calm down before I lose my temper and do something to her infant of the kids. I don't know if my anger will abate to level where I'd will be willing to spend time with her willingly.

* * *

Before I know it, I'm back at the barn. I'm about to go up to the loft when Lyndy comes into the barn.

"Really Jack, still angry."

I turn to look at her in disbelief. She really must not know me at all. "What do you want?"

"I don't know. Maybe a 'hello, Lyndy. What are you doing or how are you doing'?"

"Don't push me Lyndy," gritting my teeth I get out.

"I'm not. I trying to get you to see that this anger you have, has to stop. It's unhealthy for the children." Lyndy tries to soothe and guilt me.

"Excuse me."

"You're neglecting our family, Jack. You spend more time talking to and indulging that stupid horse Ligtening Dexter then you do for anyone. Since when have you become so callous, so cold."

"Don't you dare stand there and lecture me about neglecting my family. Or have you suddenly developed amnesia and forgotten about your years and years of absence." I furiously remind her.

"You said you'd never bring that up again."

"Then don't lecture me about neglecting my family. I've always been there for them as much as I can."

"No Jack you haven't. You been hold up in the loft this pass three weeks and before that it was fractionally better. You promised me you'd try to make it work, to be a family again."

"No Lyndy, I didn't promise. I said we'll see how things go."

"And?" Lyndy waits for an answer.

"And what?"

"How are things going?" she prompts me to answer.

"Things are not going, Lyndy. That's what."

"You won't even try, Jack. You don't want to try."

"You want me go back and play happy families with you. You want me to be a different man, a man I no longer am. I don't know how to do that," I impart to Lyndy.

"You don't want to do it, Jack. THAT woman she's got your head all turned around,"

"Don't you dare blame Lisa. She has done more for those girls and knows those girls better than you do," I defend Lisa and counter her absurd claims.

Lyndy furiously counters, "Jesus Jack, she a w…."

Jack angrily interjects, "Be very careful what comes out of your mouth. Last time Tim was there to stop me. This time I promise you nobody will be able stop me."

"Grandpa the people from Montana are here is. You know they're here to take the tour to see how to raise the cattle," Amy notifies me.

"Thanks, Amy. I'm lost track of what day it is. Get the other horses tacked up and I'll meet you outside the barn," I inform Amy as she walks towards the other stalls getting the horses ready.

"Jack, where do you think you going? We're not done," Lyndy angrily raises her voice to me.

"Yes, we are. I have nothing more to say to you and I don't want to be near you. Leave Lyndy or I'll make you," I tell her in a steely voice, cold with rage ready to erupt at any moment.

"Fine." Lyndy stalks off.

* * *

Thank you for reading. All reviews appreciated and feedback welcome.


	9. Chapter 9

"You have a little piece of heaven here, Jack. I am impressed with the way Heartland raises it's cattle.," Ray tells Jack.

"Thank you," Jack politely informs Ray.

"Are there any pieces of land up for sale in this area," Ray inquires.

"Mmm…. not that I'm aware."

"Looking to move up here Ray," Tim asks.

"Yeah, my son and his family are around this area. So, my family and I would like a place close by," Ray informs them.

"So, this isn't just about the cattle, you want real estate as well," Tim verifies.

"Yeah, a bit of both although the having a quality supply of cattle was always on the cards. We are always looking for the best quality cattle and expanding our exports of beef to our many customers."

"We have a lot more demand for quality beef then we can supply. We've been looking for a good bit before Heartland came onto our radar for its organic cattle that are raised a certain way that appeals to our us," James further elucidates Jack and Tim.

"Heartland cattle seems to ticking all the boxes so far. Its as authentic as we've come across," Jason praisingly tells Tim and Jack.

"Although we have to test the water first. So, if you don't mind take us to a place where their watering hole is. After we can really see about getting into business," Jamie pushes forward asking them to show him the drinking area.

"You boys go along, with Tim and Mitch. Jack and I will take a leisurely ride back, I want to take in some more of this beautiful land. You can catch us on the way back or at the barn. If that's okay with you Jack," Ray states.

"Yeah, no problem," Jack replies.

"Lets go boys, lets see if you can keep up," Tim encourages them.

Heartland is exquisite the trails, the creeks, ponds and lakes are all breathtaking. The view of the mountain peaks and the valleys are awe inspiring.

"Jack, do you not wish for your cattle to be sold to my company," Ray asks Jack bluntly.

"I would like Heartland stock to bought by your company. Having Heartland as your company and affiliates preferred supplier will be a coup for Heartland no doubt." Jack informs Ray.

"You don't seem all that enthused by the prospect of a partnership if I do say so myself," Ray lets Jack know honestly.

"Ray sometimes there is a lot more to life than the prospect of a great business deal. I want nothing more then for Heartland to thrive for my family. Sometimes what I want for my family and what is possible are two different things," Jack vaguely reveals.

"Yes, that's true Jack. I understand whole heartedly. While our looking for another cattle partnership with someone has always been on the cards it's not the overriding reason for our enthusiasm. As I said before my son and his family are around this area and my wife and I want to have a place closer to them and the grandkids."

"That I can understand."

"My wife and I never thought we'd see our oldest son settle down. He has been a military man since he was sixteen and hasn't wanted to put down roots. But his finally found the love of his life and now has a family, has roots here so naturally we want to be closer to them. Grandkids growing up too fast for my liking," Ray confides in Jack.

"You want to spend time with your grandkids that's natural. But somehow, I get the feeling there is more to it then that."

"You're pretty perceptive, Jack. My boy has been in love with his girl since he was twelve. He broke her heart when he left at sixteen never to look back. I just want to be around to make sure that he doesn't throw away the best thing thats ever happened to him."

"Fair enough. Your son is a lucky man to have a father that's willing to go to such lengths to ensure his happiness."

"You seem like a man that would do the same for the people you love Jack."

"Sometimes people don't know what's good for them until they don't have it anymore. Obviously your son learnt that lesson and got a second chance and stepped up. So, I think you don't have to worry too much."

"Josh loves her there has never been any doubt about that. But he hurt her and I don't want her to go through that again. She's been through enough in her life, grew up without anyone to look after her. Josh broke her heart and abandoned her for the military and she's always had a solitary life, used to taking care of herself and others by the pure dint of her will. She hasn't had any luck with the men in her life it seems, they've always fallen short and somehow abandoned her one way or another. Josh did that once, I won't have him do that to her again and leave her to raise my grandchildren alone," Ray passionately gets out.

"Well, she must love him and definitely must see something in him to have had children with him. Fatherhood sure does change a man, maybe that's what he needed to settle down. And this woman seems life a tough cookie, I'm sure she can manage no matter what happens."

"Well, if Josh doesn't keep his house in order there will be plenty of men knocking on the door to take his place that's for sure."

"Really?"

"Yes, she is a rare beauty. Benevolence, beauty and brains."

"That is rare. Your son Josh should hold on and do everything in his power to never let go. Everyman needs a good woman."

"True but on the other hand as I'm so fond of telling my wife 'every woman needs a good man in her life. And it's a good thing she has me'," Ray laughably tells me.

"I seem to have heard that before or rather something quite similar." Jack half-smirks and laughs for the first time in a very, very long time.

"There has got be to a story behind that because you have this cat that ate the canary look on your face. The prospect of a multi million dollar deal couldn't get that look on your face but a something you just recalled certainly did the trick."

Jack mirthfully chortles with that half-smirk plasted across his face which makes those soft, gentle, wise green eyes blaze with a fire so intense it shifts something inside of me.

"I'm sure you'd be much more enthused if you sorted what is ailing you, Jack. Maybe I could help because I want you to be the driving force of this venture because I do want Heartland stock to be my companies primary product, provided the water sample comes back clean. Other then that I don't see why a deal can't be struck between us."

"Thanks for the offer Ray but I dropped the ball and lost my chance with a wonderful woman, but that's beside the point. While I might not seem outwardly over enthused by it now, I assure that I am as happy about it as I can be at the moment. Tim and Mitch have been full on with the cattle so it's in good hands and I assure you they will have the requisite enthusiasm for you should that be the sticking point."

"Ahh, Jack you're honest to the bone. Something I like in a potential business partner." Ray laughs encouragingly.

Just as Ray finishes James and Jason come racing up ahead of Mitch and Tim. Tim and Mitch come to walking pace beside up to try and gauge if we've made any sort of deal. "So the quick initial water tests came back good, now we have to wait for the detailed water test to get back from the lab but all looks good wouldn't you say Ray," Tim encourages.

"Subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal, isn't he," Jack sarcastically gets out amusingly to Ray.

Ray laughs uncontrollably while mentioning he quite enjoy's country similes as they make their way to the barn.

* * *

After getting back to the barn Jack leaves Ray and his sons with Tim and Mitch's capable hands as they wait for their ride to get here. Jack has taken off to exercise Lightening Dexter and bid his goodbyes to Ray, James and Jason.

"Anyway guys my girlfriend Casey is having a rodeo party this weekend in Hudson. If you're interested in some good old fun, food and dancing you will be welcome to join us."

"That sounds wonderful Tim. Thank you and if my wife agrees, I will be there," Ray informs him.

"What about you guys? If you got someone or want to ask someone out this is an ideal opportunity to get to know people in the area," Tim encourages.

"That would be a problem Tim since they both want to ask the same girl out," Ray scoldingly looks at them.

"I don't know why that would be a problem dad," Jason tells his dad.

"Anyway we all know she'll choose me anyway," James cockily states.

"Please ignore their juvenile behaviour. Because they can't ask her out."

"I don't understand. Why can't they ask her out?. Wouldn't it be better if she chooses and they know for sure, who knows it may end up into something real and will last for one of them," Mitch interjects.

"They can't ask her because they both have a thing for their brother Josh's girl," Ray informs Tim and Mitch.

"Oh…. Definitely can't ask her to choose between you two because it appears she's chosen a third option." Mitch deadpans.

"Okay, you two, you have go out and meet other woman to forget about this girl. Find someone just as wonderful as she is that the right fit for you. Otherwise you'll always have a thing for her," Tim advises them.

"Ain't nobody going to measure up to how fine she is," Jason informs Tim.

"Joshy is lucky,"Jamie replies.

"Oh come on guys! You guys are totally crushing on her. She really can't be that fine or even if she is there has be a downside," Mitch tries to help the guys out of their infatuation.

"Super fine and zero downsides," Jason immediately answers.

"Super gorgeous and no downsides," followed by Jamie.

"Ray, help us out here," Tim tries to get him to get Jason and Jamie the error of their ways.

"Sorry Mitch, sorry Tim. But they are right she's about as perfect as they come. But that does not mean they shouldn't go looking for their own someone," he encourages them.

"Okay it's settled guys. You'll be coming to the rodeo party with your folks and will meet some woman to rival your crush," Tim states with conviction.

"I won't hold my breath," Jason replies.

"Neither will, I," Jamie's counters back just as defeated.

Mitch, Jason and James go towards the pen where Any is working and watch her work with on of her client horses. Mitch tells them the story of the Any the miracle girl.

* * *

Lyndy walks towards the barn and notices Tim with a man. "Excuse me, Tim. Do you know where Jack is?" Lyndy enquires.

"His out exercising Dex, Lyndy," Tim relays to her.

"If you see him let him know I want a word with him," Lyndy communicates to Tim and leaves.

Ray looks confusingly at Tim. "I'm sorry I don't mean to pry but who was that?" Ray inquires.

"Oh… That's, Lyndy."

"Lyndy… Lyndy who? Ray prompts.

"Lyndy Bartlet."

"Is she Jack's wife?" Ray inquires quizzically.

"Ahhh…. Yeah," he hesitatingly get out.

"I was under the impression Jack didn't have a wife. Because he implied that he lost the chance to have a wonderful woman in his life and that it was too late to do anything about it."

"Jack really say that to you?" Tim asked surprised at Jack's openness.

"I guess I had Jack all wrong. I didn't see Jack as the cheating type. I mean how he or anyone lives their live isn't my business but I can't believe that I misjudged the type of man Jack is," Ray disturbingly gets out at his perceived lack of judgement.

"Wait a minute, Ray. You had the right idea about Jack. His a stand up a guy as you will ever find. By the way that's coming from his ex son-in-law."

"I don't understand how you think I had the right idea about Jack while he was or is having an affair with some woman that is not his wife."

"It's complicated Ray and I'm not just saying that. It's not what you think either. Hear me out fully before passing judgement on Jack. That's all I ask."

"Okay, have at it but I don't think you'll sway my mind Tim. In my experience it's never complicated only complicit but I'll hear you out anyway."

"Lyndy is Jack wife legally. I know you thinking, what does that mean? But hear me out okay. Jack was married to Lyndy many, many moons ago. They had a daughter and Lyndy with Jack were a family in the early years. But later down the road Lyndy contracted cancer. She was dying of cancer. Anyway to make a long story short, she was approached by a pharmaceutical company to try an experimental drug that could put her into remission. She accepted the treatment of this new drug at their facility in the States. She didn't tell Jack about this because she wanted to spare him in case it didn't work. But what she did was had her death faked with the pharmaceutical company's help. She went of to the States leaving a devastated family at Heartland. Her treatment obviously worked but after she got well, she didn't want to come back and stayed in the States to live a new life unbeknownst to her family. That was a long, long time ago when she left her family and eventually Jack moved on with a lady friend. Jack and his lady friend were together for some years until they broke up for whatever reason, something nobody is privy to. Anyway just couple months after their break up, Lyndy shows up wanting to play happy families. So that's the situation we find ourselves in. Jack doesn't know what hit him when Lyndy pitched up out of the blue, Jack being a family man wanted to give his family want they wanted. But Jack's still in love with his lady friend. He might be married on paper trying to please his family but he cannot erase what he feels for his lady friend."

"Well, there is a first time for everything, because this is complicated," Ray states thoughtfully.

"And Jack is not having an affair with his lady friend. They broke up as I said but it doesn't mean that he isn't still in love with her or has regrets. And, with regards to his relationship to Lyndy, like I said they're only married legally. Jack doesn't even stay in the house anymore he doesn't know how to be a husband to her nor does he want to. His got to be pretty messed up about everything that has happened in the last few years, I don't think he knows what to do. So there you have it," Tim finally finishes.

* * *

Maggie's

While picking up some feed from Maggie's, I decide to go inside for a coffee while I wait for my order to get processed. I walk in and order a coffee, taking a seat at the far end of the counter at the window. I pick up a paper nearby and page through reading what interests me. I hear a voice I wish I didn't, ordering some coffee as well. Dan Heartfield the most pompous man I'm likely to come across in Hudson. I keep my head buried in the paper hoping he'd get his coffee and leave without noticing me.

"Jack didn't think you ventured out of Heartland anymore, you know after that heart attack of yours," Dan snidely states.

"I'm here Dan so, obviously I do," I state just as sarcastically.

"I was glad to hear that your wife comeback into your life. Lyndy was quite the musician from what I hear. She's much better suited to you than Lisa ever was."

"Jack your coffee is ready," the waitress call out from behind the counter.

"That's me so, goodbye Dan," I get out as fast as possible trying to escape him.

"I hope you finally got it into your head that Lisa was not in your league."

"Lets not do this Dan, its pointless."

"No, Jack you're pointless."

"Just give it up Dan," I say pleasingly to him.

"You know Lisa has a family now. Something she always wanted, but I guess that's why she dumped you, you weren't man enough for her to give her that. She had to go looking for it somewhere else Jack. She had to get it from a young stud because lets be honest there was probably no lead left in your pencil for that," Dan viciously throws out.

Before I know it Dan's holding his broken nose in pain. All of a sudden Maggie's, is full of people and we have an audience. Dan takes a plate and crashes it one my forehead with Tim and Caleb breaking us apart.

"You had no business being with Lisa at all," Dan carries on.

"Well, she didn't think that now did she," I counter.

"At least I was her husband, Jack," he smirkily informs me as though that will make him victorious.

"WAS being the operative word. EX husband Dan, get it through your head."

"What exactly were you Jack, NOTHING," he condescendingly counters.

"That's enough both of you," Tim bellows at the both of us.

"You were never good enough for her Jack. She has NOTHING to show for the time you spent together. You were NOTHING, not even a footnote in her life," he disdainfully snaps say me.

"Well, I got news for you Dan. She obviously didn't think you were good enough for her or good enough to be the father of her children because she divorced your ass as fast as she could. Isn't that right Dan?," I reply victoriously.

"Fuck you Jack," Dan spits out furiously.

Before I can reply Tim puts his hand over my mouth dragging me outside.

Outside Tim finally lets me go. I wipe whatever is running down my face with my hand. Only to discover, it's blood from a deep cut on the side of my forehead, where Dan smashed the plate. I put my handkerchief on it but it still bleeds profusely.  
"You need to go to the hospital," Tim states worriedly.

"It's just a cut. I'll be fine," I reply tersely.

"It's a deep cut Jack. It's still bleeding leaving a trail behind to follow. So you need to at least see Trish," Tim determinedly states in agitation.

Tim and I fashion the handkerchief as a make shift tourniquet to try and stop the bleeding.

"Fine I'll go. You take the feed which was my purpose for coming to Maggie's anyway."

"Jesus, Jack what the hell happened in there?" Tim tries to find out.

"Nothing, okay," I evasively reply.

"Really? You breaking someones nose is nothing." Tim raises his eyebrows in surprise.

"Breaking Dan's nose, is nothing. He had it coming, he pushed me too far," I say vengefully.

"He always goes too far Jack but you don't take the bait," Tim informs me worriedly.

"I snapped, okay. Is that what you want to hear?" I frustratingly get out.

"No, it's not. Let me get someone to take the feed to Heartland then we'll head to 's."

"No, Tim you take the feed. I'm fine to drive. I need some space, I need to be alone to cool off, okay. Just take care of the feed," I notify Tim as I make way to my truck.

* * *

My mind in anguish. Dan alway did know how to push my buttons. I pretty certain it's only because his Lisa's ex. Otherwise, I wouldn't care what garbage he spouts out that pompous mouth of his. I'd be able to walk away and not want put him in a hospital bed. What did Lisa ever see in that prick? God, I need to reel myself in.

I wasn't nothing to Lisa. We may have not have been married but we loved each other. That love wasn't nothing. And that jibe about my not being a real man and being able to give Lisa the family she wanted. I still feel the urge to broke as many of Dan's bones as I can. Lisa never ever brought up that she wanted a child with me. Now that I think of it, It seems absurd that we didn't discuss it at all. We were together long enough but I guess this was one of the reasons Lisa wanted us to take a break. She didn't know what she was in my life therefore couldn't broach the subject of children with me. I hate myself for doing that to her. I didn't mean to cause her so much pain with my at arms length approach to certain areas of our relationship.

Now it doesn't matter, she has a family with another man. I wish more than anything, I was THAT man. I would give anything to be THAT man. Dan's mark about not even being a 'footnote' in Lisa life pains me. Is that how people viewed what Lisa and I had? Because that's not true, in fact it's so far from the truth, it's ludicrous.

What we had was special. It may have not been recognised by any institution but what we had was noteworthy, in its own remarkable way that only the two of us would know about. I know Lisa backed out of marrying when I asked her around the time Lou was going to get married to Peter. I also know she did that because she sensed that I was uncomfortable with the idea of marrying her. It was't that I wasn't uncomfortable marrying her, it was that I didn't know how I would navigate my marriage with Amy and Lou on top of me wanting leave the door open for Lisa to always have a chance at finding someone more suited to her. It laughable now that those were my reasons, because when they came out of Dan's mouth all I wanted to do was ram then straight back down his throat.

I've always been conflicted with my feeling for Lisa, not the part about how much I love her but what to do about that love. I wanted her there is no doubt but I always felt like she could do better. It's ridiculous because right now THAT man that she's with, I wish disappeared from her life because I know he couldn't love Lisa the way that I do. I want Lisa. LISA IS MINE. That's all I can think about when I hear about HIM.

* * *

Finally, I pull up at 's office. My head still anguish but a little clearer of what it is I want. Not necessarily of what I can have, but of what I want. I walk in to doctor's offices with Trish's receptionist directing me immediately to an empty examine room. Obviously Tim has called ahead and Trish has given instruction to her staff to follow with regards to me.

I don't even have time to look around the exam room before Trish walk in giving a sceptical look at mu head.

"Lay on your back Jack and see what we dealing with, Rocky," Trish states amusingly with the Rocky inference.

I do as ordered. I just want to get his done and over with. The story of my life since Lisa and I broke up. takes off the temporary tourniquet and immediately needs something to stop the bleeding. Shit, I guess it is a deep cut. She manages to expertly stem the bleeding somehow but has a frown on her face.

"Jack there appears to be a foreign solid substance in your would,"

"Do you have any idea what it could be? If you know what it is this will be quicker. I'll know exactly how to treat it," she enquires and reassures me after.

"Yeah, a plate smashed into my head."

"Distant or close range,"

"Close range."

"Okay, close your eyes. I need you to try and relax some. The tension on your forehead is not helping to attenuate the bleeding."

"Okay got it, Doc."

That's better I hear Trish say as she gets to work on the cut.

"It's really, really deep Jack. I would be more comfortable if you went to the hospital," Trish pronounces.

"No, if you can't do it. I'll take my chances with a bandage. I just need to get home," I reply flatly which earns me a chastising look.

"Fine, Jack, I'll do it but I want hear why you got into a fight with Dan Heartfield."

"How do you know its was Dan?

Because they sent me pictures, they needed to know if he needed a hospital or if I could take care of it."

"Which was it? Hospital or you?"

"Hospital, it looks very badly broken in two places with other minor fractures as well."

"Good."

"What the hell Jack? What is wrong with you? Trish admonishes me, surprised at my vindictive tone.

She gets back to work on my cut and implores me answer her question. "I'm waiting Jack."

"He just has way of pushing my buttons, okay."

"But you haven't resorted to punching the day light out of him before so, what was different this time around?"

"I just snapped, okay. I don't know what else to say."

"But you're certainly no sorry about it. Given the chance I'm betting you'd do the same again, no matter the consequences."

"True."

"Jack you can be charged with assault. Doesn't that bother you?"

"No, because I don't care if jail was the end result."

Trish doesn't say anything for the next twenty minutes, digging around in the wound to take out all the fine pieces of the plate lodged into my forehead. She start stop stitch up my cut.

"Fifteen stitches Jack. That was a serve cut and most a concussion sustained as well. You need to be woken up every two hours tonight Jack."

"Okay will get someone to do that."

"Sit up and relax. I'll be back in a minute with you medication."

"Thanks, Dr Varani," Jake sincerely remarks to her as she leaves.

Trish is back in the exam room with my meds but she has an odd look on her face. Finally, it clears off her face. "Before I give your meds and send you on your way, I need to say something to you as your friend and not . Just hear me out fully, before you say anything."

I curiously look at wondering where this is going. "Just spit it out what ever it is."

"Fine, Jack I've come to know you quite well. So, as your friend I'm urging you to sort out whatever it is that is causing your out of character behaviour. I think you're severely depressed and your anger today that lead to your punching someone is a deep sadness you feel within. You need to find a way to deal with your depression or get outside help Jack. Because there may be another physical explosion from you toward another party and that might result in criminal charges and possible jail time. If you don't know who to turn to for help medically if you require the names of doctors I will gladly facilitate that if you were to ask for my help. That's all I wanted to say. If you have any question for me regarding this or with your head wound fire away."

"Do really believe I'm depressed?"

"Yes, Jack, I do. You're not a violent or vengeful man but like I said before, I'd bet the house that you'd do the same thing to Dan, no matter the consequences."

"Have you ever entertained suicidal thoughts?"

"The last two year it been a struggle to put one foot in front of the other. But I've never contemplated taking my life. Although the last few weeks I just don't want to live, I feel like giving up like I have nothing to live for, I want it to end. Is that considered suicidal?"

"What do you, want to end?"

"The anguish I feel."

"What happened in this time period to bring the onset of this anguish you want to end? Can you identify a specific thing or is it a convergence of things?"

"I saw Lisa and her new family. I alway had hope that somehow we'd work things out but now I know that's no longer an option."

"And, does this sadden you and anger you?"

"Yes, it does both. I don't know how to stop it from taking over me anymore."

"Could you stop it from taking over you before?"

"Yes, I could."

"But now you can't. Why do you think that is?"

"I don't see the point."

"Because you no longer have the option of reconciling with Lisa."

"Yes."

"You not wanting to live. Do you think Lisa would want that for you?"

"I don't think Lisa would concern herself with any thoughts of me. She has a family now, people that depend on her, people that love her and that she loves, to concern herself with."

"Do you not think you're worthy of Lisa's concern?"

"No, I'm not. Especially after what I did to her."

"Jack, as your doctor I highly recommend you see someone for your depression. I can't force you but I urge you to please get help. And as your friend I'm here for you anyway I can be. You need to talk on the middle of the night or just need to not fee; alone you can call me anytime. I will do my best to there for you." Trish hands me the medication.

"You've given me a lot to think about. Thank you for everything. You're a good friend, Trish."

"Just one more question before you leave. Did you punching Dan have anything to do with Lisa?"

"Yes, but that's hardly surprising. Anytime Dan and I have a conversation it always ends up being about Lisa so, nothing new there."

"Except that today you hit so hard you sent him the hospital with a broken nose."

"Except that. Thanks Trish, after the conversation we had, no need for anyone to wake me up every two hours. I don't think I'll be sleeping a wink tonight."

"Take care, Jack. If you need anything, anything call me."

"Thanks again for everything."

* * *

Thank you for reading and reviewing. Feed welcome.


	10. Chapter 10

Fairfield Stables the day after the Dan Heartfield fight

Dr. Varani pulls into Fairfield stables. It's not the first time she been here. She treated Lisa's kids a few times when they'd come back down from France a couple times a year. Trish does these house calls because Lisa values privacy and discretion about her life which is understandable considering the gossip that seems follow her. The car and driver that was sent for me escorts me into the house. I'm immediately greeted by JB whom I've met on several occasions now. Before he has time to tell me anything one of the kids ambush him and his attention is directed away from me. He settles the kids down as quickly as he, he gets one of their staff to guide me towards my patient and I assume Lisa.

I'm let into one of the rooms and meet Lisa inside who he cradling the child in her arms singing a lullaby to soothe the miserable child.

"Thank you for coming, Trish." Lisa greets while she lays the child down on the bed for me to examine. I try to start the examination procedure only to have the child do everything to avoid being prodded.

"You welcome Lisa. Which one of them is this?"

"Theo, this time." Lisa answers.

"Well, he doesn't like doctors does he. Look at him trying to get away from me. I swear to god Lisa all your kids hate doctors because they all have the same reaction, trying to escape my tyrannical paws. I wonder which one of you they take after, you or their dad."

"That would be difficult to ascertain, both us hate doctors." Lisa for some reason states this affectionately.

Finally, Theo cooperating with Lisa's help allows Trish to examine him to make a diagnoses. "Sounds like a normal run of the mill cold," Trish states unconerningly.

"He must have picked up his sisters cold from a few weeks back," Lisa states worriedly.

"It's normal Lisa. It will pass," I reassure her.

"I know but the doctors told me to be extra careful with them. After all they were preemies," Lisa explains her worry.

"Don't worry Lisa. Honestly, you wouldn't know it, that they were preemies. They're all exceptionally strong and robust now," I tell Lisa trying to alleviate her fears.

"From your lips to Gods ears," Lisa expresses.

Lisa redresses Theo's as I pack my medical bag. I write a prescription to be filled in case the cold gets worse.

"Most of the time, I can believe that. But when they get sick, that's a lot more easier said then done," Lisa confides to me.

"Just do what you've been doing. You know the routine, if it gets worse get the prescription filled and administer. Otherwise, let him ride it out."

"I see you've gotten pretty comfortable with country lingo already," Lisa amusingly tell me.

"When in Rome and all that… you know how it goes," I fire back.

"Mummy… me play now," Theo asks Lisa.

"Yes, you can kiddo." Lisa tells home as she open the room door calling JB to take him downstairs to the others.

"You got a little free time for some coffee on the patio or do you have patients waiting," Lisa asks me.

"No, got a clear morning. This is my only call until late afternoon where I'm back at the office or I get an emergency call before that. So I definitely have time for coffee," I let Lisa know.

* * *

On the back patio both Lisa and Trish get their coffee and make themselves comfortable while watching the kids play.

"Thanks for coming, Trish. It puts my mind at ease to have your have expert opinion," Lisa remarks with relief.

"Not a problem, plus you sent a car for me. I get to take in the scenery and didn't have to drive here so it was more then okay," I inform Lisa happily.

"I need to ask you something. You don't have to answer if I'm crossing a line. I know you have client patient confidentiality but I need to know if Jack is okay after what happened yesterday," Lisa gets out hesitantly.

"Lisa, you know how this works."

"I know, I just need to know that his okay, Trish."

"Then call him and find out," I encourage Lisa.

"I haven't talked to him since we broke up. I don't think he or his wife would appreciate me calling to check up on him. It would be very inappropriate not to mention distasteful," Lisa earnestly tells me. Lisa holds up her hand in apology, "I'm sorry, I asked you. I shouldn't have it was inappropriate of me, I apologize for putting you on the spot and ambushing you," Lisa sets down her coffee and walks to the railing over looking the backyard as she leans on a pillar needing a moment to collect herself.

"No, apology necessary," I convey to Lisa contemplating whether to ask her about her and Jack. "Lisa, are you okay," I ask her concerned.

"I'm fine, just a bit tired," I hear the catch in her voice and no a lie when I hear one.

"Lisa it's obvious you care about Jack. Otherwise, you would not ask about how he is. What happened between the two of you?"

"We broke up, Trish. He broke it off although it wouldn't have mattered even if he didn't. He has his wife back and that was never going to be a contest because I wouldn't have been in the running anyway. So breaking up when we did, actually spared me some of the extra heartbreak. Not to mention the public scorn and disdain of being his mistress."

"Lisa, I don't know what to say," I can hear the heartbreak in her voice. It doesn't seem like Lisa is registering what I just said she's almost in a trance like state.

I hear her very quietly talking to herself, almost like she's having a self talk. "It's not like Jack to get into a fight. Not even with Dan. I know Jack, his not the type of man to use violence. He has to have been at his wits end to have lost his cool that way. His very thoughtful almost sage like in his ability to navigate what's thrown at him. I just need to know that his doing okay, after yesterday."

The quiet distress of her voice makes up my mind. "Look Lisa, Jack had fifteen stitches in the forehead. A deep cut caused by Dan smashing a plate into his head at point blank range. But we managed to get the wound cleaned and stitched. All in all, he'll be fine."

"Was he in a lot of pain," Lisa asks with great concern and anxiety.

"No, he wasn't."

"What do mean he wasn't? Jack is a really strong man but his not superman," she counters with incredulity.

"He wasn't in physical pain, okay Lisa. Lets leave it at that."

"If he wasn't in physical pain, then what? I know Dan is a real pain in Jack's side but not to the point of affecting him mentally and emotionally. Jack's too strong for that."

"No man is an island Lisa."

"I know that Trish. I'm just saying that Dan doesn't sit on top of any list that Jack has worries about. They've always had this frosty thing between them since the first time they met. They've had an intense dislike for the other ever since. Dan can irritate the hell out of Jack, yes. But not to the point of affecting Jack to that level."

"You know the fight was about you?"

"So, the rumours say. But that's all it is, gossip which I don't believe."

"It isn't a rumour, this is straight from the horses mouth."

Lisa puts her hand over her heart in disbelief. "Jack wouldn't be fighting about me, Trish. I hold no place in his life, I was just someone passing through his life. It's not worth anything to fight over, for Jack."

"You seem pretty sure of that? Why is that?"

"Jack was never mine to love in the first place, Trish. Lyndy was…. Sorry, is his wife and the woman he always wanted to make a life with, not me. I was an aberration for Jack."

"Mummy, wat…er." Jace comes running towards Lisa panting out of breath with his request.

Lisa pours some water into a kids sippy cut on the small little side table that's here on the back porch. Just as Lisa is done the another one runs up and with a similar request. "Me wan….t, me wan….t, " an commanding Theo orders from his mum.

Lisa does the same routine and just as with the previous child another shows just as she's done, demanding water as well. "Mum…my, mu..mmy me too," an adamant Thea pointedly looks at her mum.

"They're a sight to behold Lisa," I say in awe to her as I watch the children play in the yard with two other people that I've never met. "Who's that they're playing with?"

"JB's brothers, whom I might add act just like little kids from time to time," Lisa amusingly tells me.

"Where is JB and Jules?"

"JB, Jules and JB's dad are gone to the lake to do some stone skipping."

"Jules too, I'm impressed. She can't walk yet but can skip stones. Must be some type of guinness book of record. We should call someone about that," I tease Lisa.

"Well, JB thinks it's never to early to learn the important things in life. Anyway, she finds the lake soothing so it's a win for all of them I suppose."

My phone rings and I have to leave Fairfield immediately. Lisa walks me to the car waiting to take me to my emergency call.

"Lisa thanks for letting the driver take me to the this call," I tell her thankfully.

"I insisted having you brought here by our driver so this is the least I can do. Thank you for coming to take a look at Theo and for the other thing," Lisa states with sincerity.

"You'll welcome on both counts."

"You're a good friend to have Trish. I mean it, you've been a god send for my family and me in particular," Lisa express to me with a genuine wholeheartedness.

As I leave Fairfield it doesn't escape my attention that my conversation with Lisa, about Jack remains unfinished.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Briar Ridge

Lyndy walks into Val office at Briar ridge.

"Hello, Lyn take a seat I'm almost done with these papers," Val informs Lyndy.

"Hello, Val no problem."

"Okay, all done for today, I hope. What's up Lyn?" Val asks Lyndy.

"You know what's up Val. My husband getting into a fight with another man over THAT two-bit whore?" Lyndy angry expresses to Val.

"What are you going to do about it?" Val prompts.

"I want her gone from Hudson, that's what."

"How do you plan on doing that?" Val asks impressed by Lyndy's initiative.

"Her life needs to be unbearable here in Hudson to make her leave with her tail between her legs," Lyndy informs Val shrewdly.

"I always admired your tenacity Lyn," Val chuckles with delight.

"Thanks, for calling me to tell me about the fight yesterday. You can be sure that nobody at Heartland would have said a word to me about it," Lyndy resentful states to Val.

"How is Jack by the way?" she enquires.

"Your guess is as good as mine," Lyndy sarcastically get out.

"What do you mean? Haven't you seen or talked to him yet?" Val disbelievingly questions Lyndy.

"No, I haven't Jack can be impossible to find when he doesn't want to be found."

"You really don't have any idea of how Jack is do you?" Val sympathetically imparts to Lyndy.

"Big fat surprise, there!" she sarcastically spits out with venom. "I can't believe how Jack humiliated me in public like that."

"Of all things, getting into a fight with Dan Heartfield. Not just getting into a fight with him but the fight being about Lisa."

"She's a trouble maker that one. With her nimble slut body driving men to take a swing at each other over her whorish charms," Lyndy states with derision.

"Couldn't have put it better myself," Val remarks approvingly.

"Both of them are pathetic, drooling over some used up tramp whose expiry date will be sooner rather then later."

"How are you going make her life hell?" Val inquisitively proves Lyndy.

"I've been up half the night thinking of it. I know some nefarious characters from my time in the states. I have a few favours I can call upon."

"What do you know about her wretched kids?"

"There is nothing concrete in that regard. I got all different stories ranging from two, three or five," Val remarks with disappointment at the lack of solid information. "Fairfield has been locked up pretty tight, and she hasn't ventured out of there much previously when she back from Europe."

"Doesn't really matter how many she has they'll come in handy to make her life a living hell. When I'm done with her those wastrel children of hers, she'll wish she never laid eyes on Jack. Better yet she'll wish she'd never been born," Lyndy gleefully proclaims.

"Lets go out to celebrate her demise," Val enthusiastically states.

"That's a great idea Val. Something I can finally throw myself into in this useless town."

* * *

 **Thank you for reading and reviewing. It's encourages me to write more for you to read. Feedback appreciated.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Note: There will be parts that don't make sense to you now. But I promise as the story unfolds they will make sense and create a complete picture. Please bear with me, I'm a novice feeling my way through this. Thank you for your understanding.  
**

* * *

Fairfield Main House

Dinnertime is a rowdy affair. With a house full of people you have to expect nothing less. Hudson is place, I know we'll be happy should we choose have a home here to be nearer to the little ones.

"Mu…..mmy take too," Thea demands as she bangs her plate with her sippy cup to get my attention.

"I'll give you a piece of steak, but try and ask me a little politely next time," I say to her as I cut up a few pieces for her plate.

"Tank, you," she half-smirks at me with getting her way.

A quick thought out of nowhere makes me aware that I've seen that half-smirk on someone other then the children. I shake myself out that random thought and voice to Lisa what I know is true about her.

"She is definitely your daughter Lisa with that appetite," JB's dad lets me know in an affectionately teasing manner.

"You wouldn't be implying something would you Ray," I ask JB's dad with raised eyebrows.

"Only that if she continues the way she is, shel'll be as healthy and as beautiful as her mother. I remember when you were young, your appetite was impressive for a miniature thing like you" Ray says sweetly.

"Why thank you Ray," I say to him remembering, how I would enjoy Sandy's cooking, when we were on school break.

"Oh… don't you worry Lisa, his over the moon that Thea loves her food. He thinks she will make a wonderful addition as the head of one of the Bowman group companies. Since we deal with supplying beef to various outlets, he thinks it's fitting that she loves beef steak and food in general. His planning an entire new product line to supply, based on her eating habits alone," JB's mum informs the rest of the table in mock affection of her husbands eager desire.

"Cassandra Bowman what of your plans for Theo and Jace to be olympic champions?" Ray reminds his wife of her plans and cluing the rest of us in as well, since it's the first anybodys heard of this development.

"Really, Sandy and here I thought, I had Ray only to worry about," I mockingly feign exasperation at JB's mum.

"So, when is Austin due back from surf camp," Jason enquires.

"Next week," I reply informing them of his arrival back to Fairfield.

"And how are you taking it?" Sandy asks wanting to know how I'v been holding up.

"Fair to day one of longest two weeks of my life," I tell her honestly.

"Well, you taking it in stride Lisa. That's all you can do and you seem to do doing well with his first trip away from you," Ray compliments me on not being frantic with worry over what Austin's doing at all times in another province.

"Where exactly did he go for this surfing camp?" Jamie wants know.

"Long Island," JB informs him.

"Ice cream, Ice cream," both Theo and Jace ask loudly makimg sure we all are aware of what they want.

"Yes, you will both get some," I tell the both of them and am rewarded with that same half-smirk their sister threw my way when she got her way too.

"We all want in on that too," Ray adds. 'Yay mummy' and 'tank you mummy ' left their adorable little mouths with that same half-smirk their sister threw their mothers sometime earlier. The same half-smirk I've seen on someone but I can't place where or who. I shake my head to get rid of these random thoughts that keep seeping into my mind.

"I guess it's time for desert, ain't that right kiddos," JB talks to the kids and also informing everyone else the table as I get out and bring the ice cream sundae's out for everyone to enjoy in the living room.

"So, Sparkles just how countrified are you," Jamie pipes up in amusement as I make sure the all the kids have their ice creams and have an adult minder to making sure they don't have chance to wonder while eating desert.

"Should you be asking me that. I'm hardly the one to know how countryfied I've become," Lisa remarks to him being honest. "Is that even a thing," I ask seriously with skepticism.

"Come on Sparkles treat us with some of that delightful country lingo you've picked up," JB encourages me.

I've got one Jamie pipes up and relays, "Even a blind man on a galloping horse could see it."

"That's all you've got Jamie. In that case you should have just kept it to yourself," Jason ribs him.

"What do you have jackass?" Jamie remarks to Jason waiting for a reply.

"Wound tighter than a three-day clock," Jason says triumphantly.

"Strong like bull, smart like tractor or I was so mad I coulda spit brass tacks or flashy as a rat with a gold tooth," I regale them with my country lingo as they refer to it.

"That last one was great Lisa," Sandy roars with laughter.

"I've got some lets start with, finer than a frog hair split four ways, or I've known a few catfish, all mouth and no brain. OR my favourite that applies to both my brothers, he could screw up a free lunch," JB joins in the fun.

"Smiling like a goat in a briar patch or the personality of a dishrag. One my favourites grinning like a jackass eating briars," I join in getting a roar out of everyone.

"I've got one that your dad likes to use boys. He's got about as much chance as a one-legged man in an ass-kickin' contest," Sandy pipes up causing laughter as the Bowman brothers point at each other.

"Enough paint to paint a battleship, and enough powder to blow it up," I say but nobody gets it. "Wearing too much makeup people," which has them rolling on the floor in tears.

"Oh! Lisa that is fantastic, where did you pick up all these delicious tid bits from. You have let me this gal or fella," Rays gets out howling with laughter.

"Sorry Ray if I tell you, I'd have to kill you," I tell him affectionately not wanting to explain my collection of Jacksims to anyone.

"Lisa must have dated a legit cowboy to know all these," Jason throws out making me wistful as the image of Jack pops in my head knowing that is correct on that count.

When I wanted to try a diet for the first time in my life, I remember Jack's saying to me while I was wrapped in his arms, 'I don't want you skinny as a rail Lise, that has no appeal for me. I like every curve you have it gives me something to hold on to which I'm partial to by the way.' I quickly rattle of some country lingo to get Jack out of my head starting with, "Couldn't organise his way out of a wet paper bag or crazy as a soup sandwich. How about, as nervous as a sword swallower with the hiccups or it's raining like a bull pissing on a flat rock." They all roar with laughter before I add, "He's all hat and no ranch, which is used on you if you're a weekend cowboy," I let them know.

I walk around collecting the kids empty ice cream sundae's dishes. But Ray obviously hasn't had enough and begs, ahh please Lisa a few more, I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Do an old man a favour," he pleadingly requests.

"Fine but just for you and only a few more then I need to get them up stairs for a bath," I let him and all of them know.

"Thank you Lisa," Jamie says sweetly which earns him a slap on the head from Jason.

"What a suck up? Anyway Sparkles will still choose me over you anyway," Jason tells Jamie to try an antagonise him.

"Okay guys, let Sparkles have the floor. And to be clear she wouldn't choose either of you deliquents," JB says to them.

"Here goes nothing guys, if brains were trains, his is derailed," they all laugh. "This next one I use often, when they handed out brains he thought they said pains and hid," had everyone rolling on the floor. "And my personal favourite, subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal, which applies to you J's. Jason, Jared and you to JB," I get out as Ray and Sandy laugh along with the rest of us.

* * *

Fairfield Main House Front Porch

I need some air and walk out to the front porch because something suddenly clicked in my mind, I need to think on it alone. I simply stand there looking out trying to wrap my head around what just clicked in my head. I know it seems far fetched almost ludicrous but everything in me is saying the same thing.

All three of them Theo, Thea and Jace have this adorable half-smirk thing that they do when all is right in their world. I know it doesn't come from Lisa because she has her own quirks and this isn't one of them. Up until now I thought I'd never know where they got that from. But I'm as sure as I can be that I now know who that comes from.

Heartland's own Jack Bartlett. You know when it all clicked into place? When Lisa said, 'subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal' that's when it all clicked. It was like a movie on rewind, I recalled Lisa's very subtle reaction to her 'dating a legit cowboy' that Jamie's remark got from her. Her 'I'll tell you but I have to kill you' comment to me to evade answering me, when I asked who she learned cowboy lingo from. And what really sold it for me was that half-smirk that those children have. It's the exact same one that Jack Bartlett had when recalling something from his past that made him feel all was right in his world. Not to mention those green eyes or eye, I should rather say. Since all three children have a single blue and that same single soft, gentle, wise green eye that I suspect they've inherited from him. I remember what the doctors at the hospital where they born called it, heterochromia iridium where there are two different-colored eyes within a single individual.

I remember when meeting Jack I had this peculiar sense, I somehow knew him. I guess now, I know how I knew him. I know him through those children. The little quirks, the soft, gentle, wise green eye that all of them inherited, their mannerisms, they are his. Well, those that aren't Lisa's off course. Because knowing what I now suspect, I can see how those kids have got some of both of them and perfectly blend of both their parents.

I know it's far fetched, Jack's older then I am and Lisa is young like my kids. I recall his vague slip about messing up with the woman he loves. I'm now sure that he was talking about Lisa, because those kids are proof that his DNA runs through them.

I feel someone grab my arm and give it a good old shake. "Ray what's the matter you, you zoned out. I've been calling your name for an entire minute and you've looked straight through me," what's the matter Sandy enquires with concern.

I take her hand and give it a squeeze to reassure her that I'm fine.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks me.

"I do but not here, lets take a walk," I tell her knowing what I have to say would be better of if it was said away from the main house and away from everybody. Sandy looks at me curiously but nods her head in acquiescence.

* * *

Fairfield Pond

She lets me lead her away taking a path down to a pond that is a five minute walk from the house. We reach our destination making ourselves comfortable, on a near by bench, over looking the pond.

"Ray, please tell what got you this way?" Sandy asks me now nervous after the silent walk to the pond.

"I think I figured out who Theo, Thea and Jace's father is." I tell her with a subdued shock.

"Really, because you have superpowers now?" Sandy sarcastically remarks to me.

"I'm serious Sandy."

"So, you have developed superpowers. Because short of Lisa telling you who their father is, there is no other way you could have figured it out unless as I've said you've developed superpowers and can now read minds," Sandy remarks to me sarcastically.

"No, she didn't tell me. She's never said anything ever only that the father wasn't an option. She has always been adamant about that, you know that as well as I do, Sandy. And no, I have not developed superpowers that entail the ability to read minds."

"Then how do you know, because Lisa has said nothing about the father of her children to anyone. Not JB, not her doctors, not any of us and not Harry." Sandy reminds me.

"I think I met him a couple a days ago."

"What do mean, you think?" Sandy voices with a light edge to her voice.

"I don't think Sandy. Everything in me is telling me, I met him a couple a days ago."

"If what you say is true and that's a big if, why are you only telling me NOW?"

"Calm down Sandy. I just figured it out, tonight."

"If you met him a couple days ago, I don't understand how you figured it out tonight?" Sandy says in total bafflement.

"I mean I met him then, but didn't know he was their father. That part I figured out tonight." I try to clarify for her.

"Why don't you start from the beginning? And don't you dare leave anything out Raymond Bradford Bowman."

"Yes, ma'am," I retort to her before beginning to relay the events that lead to this conclusion.

"You remember the ranch the boys and I went to. The one where we went look at the way they raise their cattle,"I ask her.

"Yes, Heartland the land you can't stop raving about and its owner Jack Bartlett. Who impressed you so much that you haven't even waited for the water samples to come back, yet you still sent the documentation to be signed for the deal."

"Good you remember. Okay, anyway I told you how impressed I am by the way their cattle operation is run. But I didn't tell you was how surreal it all felt, Heartland, meeting Jack, talking to him and to Tim his ex son-in-law. Jack's all cowboy Sandy, a straight arrow, what you see is what you get, a legit cowboy as the boys put it. He doesn't pretend to be it, he a cowboy through and through. You know he didn't try and sell me on Heartland stock at all, all he did was show me how they ran their operation. No bigging up their stock or other superfluous stuff to try and sell Heartland stock as the next sliced bread.

Flashback Ray recalls and relates to Sandy

 _"Ray sometimes there is a lot more to life than the prospect of a great business deal."_

 _"Sometimes people don't know what's good for them until they don't have it anymore._ Obviously _your son_ learnt _that lesson and got a second chance and stepped up. So, I think you don't have to worry too much."_

 _"That is rare. Your son Josh should hold on and do everything in his power to never let go. Everyman needs a good woman."_

 _"True but on the other hand as I'm so fond of telling my wife 'every woman needs a good man in her life. And it's a good thing she has me'," Ray laughably tells me._

 _"I seem to have heard that before or rather something quite_ similar. _" Jack smirks and laughs for the first time in a very, very long time._

 _"There has got be to a story behind that because you have this cat that ate the canary look on your face. The prospect of a_ multi million _dollar deal couldn't get that look on your face but a something you just recalled certainly did the trick."_

 _Jack mirthfully chortles with that half-smirk plastered across his face which makes those soft, gentle, wise green eyes blaze with a fire so intense it shifts something inside of me._

 _"I'm sure you'd be much more enthused if you sorted what is ailing you, Jack. Maybe I could help because I want you to be the driving force of this venture because I do want Heartland stock to be my companies primary product, provided the water sample comes back clean. Other_ then _that I don't see why a deal can't be struck between us."_

 _"Thanks for the offer Ray but I dropped the ball and lost my chance with a wonderful woman, but that's beside the point._  
 _Ahh,_ Jack _you're honest to the bone. Something I like in a potential business partner." Ray laughs encouragingly._

 _Just as Ray finishes James and Jason come racing up ahead of Mitch and Tim. Tim and Mitch come to walking pace beside up to try and gauge if we've made any sort of deal. "So the quick initial water tests came back good, now we have to wait for the detailed water test to get back from the lab but all looks good wouldn't you say_ Ray _," Tim encourages._

 _"Subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal, isn't he," Jack sarcastically gets out amusingly to Ray._

All of that Sandy, the thing about 'there being more to life than the prospect of a business deal'. The 'people don't know what's good for them until they don't have it anymore' thing. Especially that half-smirk and those soft, gentle, green eyes makes me damn sure he is the father. You know what made it click into place for me, it was what Lisa's said last the 'subtle as a hand grenade in a barrel of oatmeal' remark that triggered the realization that Jack is indeed their father. It might sound outlandish Sandy but if you met Jack and saw all the little things I did you'd be convinced too.

"I saw you during supper trying to shake yourself of your pre occupation with something," Sandy says to me.

"It was Jace, Thea and Theo's half-smirk's that I knew I saw on someone, some where, but I could not place it. There was Lisa's very subtle discomfort at the 'legit cowboy that she might have dated" and her evading my question of where she picked it up from and my wanting to meet the fella that thought her it. With all of that put together I'm sure that Jack is their father."

"I do remember correctly, you saying the owner of Heartland was married but it was complicated. You told me the story of how his wife got sick with cancer, had her death faked, got cured in the States, didn't tell her family she was alive and let them believe she was dead for years and years and then one day showed up, out of the blue wanting her family back."

"Pretty much Sandy."

"This is absolutely crazy, Ray. On top of that you're implying Lisa was the woman he was involved with and lost his chance with and you're also implying his the father of those kids."

"Not implying anymore Sandy, I'd bet everything I have that Jack Bartlett is their father," I say with certainty.

"I can see why you didn't want to talk in front of the house," She tells me a state of shock.

"I'm certain he doesn't know about the Thea, Jace and Theo. Because a man like Jack Bartlett wouldn't have left the mother of his children."

"You're that certain of this man you spent half a day with," Sandy questions me with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, I am. There is only one thing I don't understand," I say almost to myself.

"Which would be what?"

"How did Jack and Lisa meet and how did they end up in a relationship? Because Jack Bartlett while he may not look it at all, I'm damn sure is much older than you and I. His got a grown granddaughter that's in her twenty's I would say."

"I'm sorry, what did you say? I thought I heard you say Jack Bartlett is much older then we are."

"You heard correct." For a good a few minutes, Sandy merely stars at me while she tries to process everything that she now knows.

"What are we going to do Ray?" She eventually asks me. "Our son is head over heels in love with Lisa and he loves those kids more than anything in the world. On top of that, you like this Jack Bartlett a lot from what I can tell."

"I honestly don't know Sandy." I state to Sandy bereft of anything that will help us sort through this mess.

* * *

 **Thank you for taking the time to review and read. Very much appreciated. Your feedback is welcome.**


	12. Chapter 12

Fairfield

I lay in bed unable to sleep, it's three o'clock in the morning, my mind won't settle enough for me to sleep tonight that is for sure. I get up to check on the kids. All four of them that are here. If there is one thing that can ease my mind it's the children. I take a peak in Jules's crib, she's out for the count, innocent and adorable, I run my index finger on the inside of her palm which she readily grasps at in her sleep. I did put her down before dinner with everyone, her teething taking every ounce of energy out of her, on top of making her miserable and drowsy. I give her a quick kiss on her forehead, removing my finger from her tightly fisted little hand, before closing the door to check on the other three. From the doorway, I stand overlooking Jace, Theo, and Thea. Today they all demand to sleep in the same bed. Thank god, I have enough space here for them to have a room with single beds for them and a spare room done up for them that has a huge bed that they can all sleep on. I can't bring myself to say no, to them wanting to share the bed for sleep time. After the way they born and the link they have with each other after that trauma, I can't yet make myself to be stern enough to refuse this one little demand. Most times they enjoy their independence at bedtime. But there are days when they require one of their siblings or both for comfort, when they're miserable, feel insecure and out their comfort zone lookinf for somethings familiar to ease their little minds.

Looking at them, I can see their father in them at times. They have a few of his quirks and then there is the sole wise, gentle, soft green eye that they're all blessed with. It felt like the gods poking fun at me when I saw their eyes. Having two different colour eyes only distinguishes their eye color even more so. It's cruel in that it always makes sure that I remember Jack, when I look at them. Because that eye color contrast demands that you take notice and for me that hurts more than anything. I will never go a day in my life, without seeing those eyes for the foreseeable future but for me it a daily reminder of what I lost.

Sometimes I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse for me. Because I've tried to move on with my life but these kids are the very embodiment of him. Something I can't escape, a ghost haunting me everyday of my life. They'll never be Bartlett's, that's something I've accepted a long time ago. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant, I could hardly believe it when my doctor told me. I almost threw up on the doctor, luckily he saw it was coming and moved out of the way in time.

I remember the flight back to Canada from France. I was miserable, my mind not only in shock but my body chaotic with the needs of the babies growing inside of me. I remember I tried to rehearse what I would tell Jack when I saw him. If I dressed clever enough you would barley notice the bump. You'd think I put on a good few pounds from a good vacation. But I couldn't get my mind or body to settle at all and finally gave up and let my body rest through the entire flight, with sleep that my body badly required. I didn't want to drive, so I got a car take me back to Fairfield. I didn't know how Jack would take the news. It was my responsibility after all to make sure that I was protected at all times. The only prevention against pregnancy is not having any intercourse at all, the doctor repeated to me after I told him it was not possible since I had not skipped a day of taking my contraceptive medication in almost ten years.

Upon my return to Fairfield, I didn't feel well enough to drive and asked Harry to drive me over to Heartland because I needed to talk to Jack about something important.

* * *

Flashback of my conversation with Harry

 _"Lisa, do you know what's happened at Heartland_?, _" he asks me in confusion._

 _"What? Did Jack have another heart attack?" I ask in trepidation._

 _"No, he didn't Lisa. I talking about something else that happened there."_

 _"No, I don't know Harry. I've been in France, so that would be rather difficult to stay in loop especially since Jack and I are no longer together."_

 _"Lisa let's go inside the house and sit down. Then I'll tell you okay," Harry says vaguely._

 _"Tell me what Harry. I don't need to go inside, I need to go to Heartland NOW." I tell him in frustration._

 _"No, Lisa you can't," he resolutley states.  
_

 _"Why the hell NOT Harry?" I almost scream at him._

 _"Lisa please let's go inside," Harry pleads with me for some unknown reason._

 _I stand my ground waiting for Harry to answer my question of why I can't go to Heartland._

 _"Lisa I promise I'll take you to Heartland if you still want to go after you've heard me out, inside the house," Harry says reasonably which irritates me to no end._

 _We enter the house and Harry makes sure I sit down before having any conversation with me._

 _"I'm sitting Harry. Please tell me, what you need to, so you can take me to Heartland," I state, to Harry in a hurry distracted by what I'm going to tell Jack._

 _"Harry I'm waiting. I don't have time for this," I_ _tell him in annoyance._

 _"Jack's wife Lyndy is back Lisa."_

 _"What? I don't have time for jokes Harry. And it is not funny at all making jokes about Jack's late wife. In fact, it's very distasteful," I let him know with disappointment in my voice._

 _"Lisa this isn't a joke. Lyndy Bartlet is alive and at Heartland with her family."_

 _"Don't be absurd Harry. Lyndy was cremated and Jack spread her ashes at a place that was very dear to both of them." I tell him._

 _"Lisa, you not listening. I've seen Lyndy Bartlett with her family with my own eyes. She is very much alive. If you ask anybody around here they would tell you the same thing."_

 _"No, Harry you must be mistaken," I say shell-shocked.  
_

 _"Lisa I promise you on Maire's life that this true. Lyndy Bartlett is alive and well and here in Hudson living with her family," Harry tells me._

 _I'm shocked, I don't know what to believe, "I won't believe it until I see it for myself, Harry."_

 _"Lisa that isn't a good idea."_

 _"It's the only way it will be real for me," I tell him in a daze which has now settled on me.  
_

 _"Fine. There is an outdoor harvest festival that is happening right at this moment which they will probably be at. We'll go to it and you can see for yourself," Harry says with more than a hint of anxiety in his voice._

 _Neither one of us utters a word while driving to the festival. My mind frozen the only thing running through my head is Lyndy Bartlett is back from the dead. Back with Jack a man who loved her and made a family with her that he loves more than anything in this world._

 _Lucky for us that it is an outdoor festival at an open field. It allows Harry to park the truck behind someones else's while affording us a view of the entire festival going on ahead. Families had took their spots and put up their shade covers after picking their picnic spots. Harry and I both stay in the car_ _trying to locate the Bartlett's. We sit in eery silence for over ten minutes before I catch a sight of Amy. She's with Ty and they move towards someone. I can't see as my view is blocked by a family walking pass them obscuring my view. But like the first rays of the rising sun, a clear path emerges to where the Bartlett's picnic spot is. I see Amy, Ty, Tim, Georgie, Lou, Peter my goddaughter Katie and finally my eyes come to rest on Jack. I feast my eyes on him. I can't decipher his countenance its something I've never seen from him which unsettles me. And out of the blue I see her, Lyndy Bartlett, whispering something into his ear, an intimate gesture between a man and his wife. I turn my head away in anguish before turning my head back again to watch a family scene play out infront of me with the Amy and Lou laughing about something with Lyndy. I see Jack take Katie out of Lyndy's arms and swing her around. I can't take anymore and close my eyes willing the tears to stop. "We can go, Harry. I've seen enough," I tell Harry in defeat._

 _"I'm sorry Lisa. I know how you feel about Jack," Harry squeezes my hand trying to comfort me._

 _"Please take me straight to the airport Harry. I need to as far away from here as possible," I get out with some semblance of control._

 _Harry drives me to the airport. The entire trip in silence as Harry knows me well enough to let me be. Jack has a family, he always had a family but now he has his beloved wife Lyndy back, making it more complete. How can I tell Jack about the pregnancy? How can I disrupt his life and all of their lives now after they've been granted a miracle? Maybe this is a sign that this pregnancy is not meant to be any more than Jack and I are meant to be._

* * *

I look at Thea, Theo and Jace and can't believe that I contemplated not having them. I can't see my life without them. If it weren't for them I don't think I'd have made it this far. I was reeling without Jack as my anchor and after having it snatched away those children inside me became the lighthouse guiding me back to shore. Jack can never know about them. I will never allow my irresponsibility and my decision to have them disrupt Jack's life. He has a family and my children and I will never be part of that family but I will try my best to give them as much as I have in me to give but I can't give them their father. That was never meant to be. Just as Jack and I were never meant to be.

I know I have robbed them of a wonderful man but Jack is not mine, in fact, he was never mine to begin with. I was always an aberration in his life, I could not make my children outcasts of the Bartlett family. I know Jack loves children but I don't think he would have welcomed children with me. After all he chose to adopt Gerogie, without my knowledge. It was obvious that I wasn't worthy enough for him to consider me as a partner in that decision making process. It also underscored that he didn't want children with me that I was somehow unworthy to be trusted with something so precious. It underlined exactly where I stood in his life.

As much as I would like for them know their father, I will not burden him with my irresponsibility of getting pregnant and my decision to keep them. He has his family and I have my own version of a family. Not one comparable to the Bartlett's but nonetheless a family which I love.

* * *

 **Thank you for reading and reviewing. Your feedback is appreciated and your interest in the story is encouraging.  
**


	13. Chapter 13

Lisa comes downstairs and makes her way to the kitchen putting the coffee machine on first before opening the curtains in kitchen. She turns to do the same for the lounge but stops dead in her tracks with shock. Her hand on heart trying to process what she can see on the lounge wall. Before she can even think about anything else, she hears one of the kids coming down stairs.

"Mum..mmy mummmmmy Theo," hollers looking for her.

"Stop Theo. I said stay right there," Lisa shouts at her son, who complies but starts to wail at being shouted at by his mother.

"Lisa why are you shouting at the boy," Sandy comes rushing out to of her room to see what has got Lisa so riled up.

"Sandy, keep all the kids upstairs. Gather all of them and keep them with you and Ray in your room. Get JB, to come down here right now. Don't ask why, just do as I ask NOW," Lisa orders Sandy with a hint of alarm in her voice.

JB comes rushing down the stairs. "Lise what's wrong?" He asks in anxiety at all the commotion and his summoning.

"I point to the lounge wall." JB looks at it before quickly placing me behind him in a protective gesture.

Jason and Jamie come down the stairs. "Get my phone from my room, Jamie. NOW!" JB commands Jamie harshly.

"Jason make sure all kids are in ma and paps room. And make sure you stay with them."

"What is going on JB and why do I have to do that?" Jason whines at his brother.

"JUST DO IT, NOW!" Jason scurries of as fast he can at JB's tyrannical voice which leaves him in no doubt of the consequences should he not comply.

Jamie is there in flash with JB's phone. JB places a call,"Luke I need you and Jay at the main house, asap. There has been an incident, there may be intruders in the house," JB relays over the phone with cool calm collected efficiency.

Jamie now looks worried, goes to stand in a protective manner with his brother over Lisa until security arrives in the form of Luke and Jay.  
"I need to know if the kids are, okay," Lisa gets out with worry.

JB places a call, "Dad do you have all the kids with you? Are they are fine? Okay that's good. When I know what's going on I will let you know, for now just stay where you are and make sure the windows are closed and keep the door closed until I send for you."

"They're fine, Lise. All four of them are now playing." Before JB can get anything else out Luke and Jason barge into the house. They both sweep the lounge and dining room for intruders before coming to a halt in front of Lisa, JB and Jamie.

"All clear with these two rooms boss."

"Do the same for the rest of the house," JB orders the both of them.

Finally everyone steps into the lounge and notices the carnage with the light now streaming into the kitchen through the windows and the open front door. They notice the paintings slashed and everything that could be slashed without making a big noise having been throughly slashed and ripped up. Jamie finally notices the lounge wall plastered with words 'WHORE Go back to France' in bold red.

After Luke, Jay and JB were sure that the house was secured they allowed the rest of the family to come down stairs. The adults were shocked but the kids were none the wiser and carried on as normal with their breakfast routine. Ray and Sandy helped Lisa with the kids as JB was cursing Adrian, Luke and Jay about the incident which he is adamant should not have occurred with the security in place for Lisa and the kids at Fairfield.

Jamie and Jason looked on in awe at their brother going full general mode and brandishing his anger and frustration on his security team. "Get more men, Adrian. I want this to be the last and only time this happens do you understand me."  
After breakfast is done the children head upstairs with Ray and Sandy to get changed. Jason and Jamie head upstairs as well to get ready for the day as they have to meet up with the locals for a charity sponsorship deal they are working on for the company which leaves JB and Lisa alone in the kitchen.

Lisa at the sink clearing up breakfast.

JB steps behind Lisa and takes the dish and places it back on the counter. "Everyone is gone Lise. You can stop being strong now," JB lets her know making sure to wrap his arms around her to comfort her.

Lisa just stands there not saying anything for a couple a moments until she voices, "Someone was in my house JB. My children were sleeping right up those steps in the same house where the person who did that could easily have gone upstairs and ….," Lisa stops short of voting her fears.

"They are fine Lise. Not a inch on them harmed," JB tries to comfort Lisa.

"You said you don't want the police involved Lise. Are you sure about that?"

"Yes, I am. Once the local police are involved, it will be a matter of time before the rest of Husdon knows to. I'd rather keep this from prying eyes. Besides Adrian's security team will be handling this so there is really no need to inform them."

"I know Adrian asked you before but do know of anyone that would be inclined to do something like this. Anyone that might have a grudge against you?," JB wants to know form Lisa.

"Honestly, JB I've been racking my brain trying to think of anyone. But Fairfield has not been my main residence in over two years. My only concern is for the kids."

"While my concern is for the kids, it's also for you Lise. It was targeted to you specifically," JB warns her making sure she takes the threat to her seriously.

XXXXXXXX

I didn't know if I would have the energy to be here at this late afternoon family rodeo party. All I know is something deep within me compelled me to attend. A force so powerful that it replaced the despondency that permeated me. Replaced it with this fierce mysterious unknown need that I cannot identify. All I know is that the pull is so overwhelming that I cannot escape it nor do I amazingly want to.

I've made my way to this do sans anyone in my family which I'm grateful for. I'm sure all of them would have put good money on me not attending it so hadn't bothered to ask if I was going. The place was amazing, I've got to say Casey has outdone herself. Although if I didn't know any better I would think Lisa had a hand in all this because it exudes her classiness especially with the rustic theme. The hay couch lounge areas covered in quilts that is creating a great an ambiance. The pumpkin bowling alley built with hay bales. The s'mores bar these and many other things today somehow remind me of her.

Lisa knows how to throw a good party, she can get lost in it, would go overboard and while I used to moan about it, it's one of the things I loved or rather love about her. She always gives her all to anything she does although I know she tries to curb her enthusiasm. But it has a way of pouring out of her in someway of the other. While sipping on my beer at the pumpkin bowling alley, I chuckle too myself with a little smirk emerging at the memory of some of the instances that occurred.

"Jack Bartlett what has you in a joyful mood this afternoon. Joyful enough to smirk I might add," Ray Bowman happily slaps me on the back.

"Hi, Ray," I say in surprise.

"Hi, Jack I'd like you to meet my wife Sandy."

I take her graciously offered hand and greet her politely, "Hi there, Sandy."

"Hi Jack, my husband has told me all about you and your wonderful heritage that is Heartland."

"I hope not everything. Otherwise, theres no mystery and I'd bore you to death," I tell her making laugh.

"Gr…andpa Ray, ore, ore," a little hurricane suddenly approaches with a garbled demand.

"Honey, you have to have food first before you can have a s'more. Remember mummies rules," Ray tells the little girl who has now been encased in her grandfathers arms.

"Nah…uh," the little girl shakes her head vigorously indicating she heard nothing of the sort.

"Thea," Sandy scolds her in obviously affection at trying to get her own way.

Now that the little girl has stop shaking her head, I take her in. She quite the little heartbreaker dressed like a cowgirl sans the hat. The dark colouring of her hair that is in a pony tails still swinging from side to side after the earlier escaped. She a little beauty and suddenly I have a view of those eyes. One blue and one green. That blue eye so familiar so soul penetrating.

"Ma, pap do you guys have Thea, she ran off," THAT man that I detest asks Ray and Sandy. He is their son and he is also holding on of their other grandchild. That means the adorable little girl Thea is Lisa's. I should have guessed, that blue eye almost a perfect match to her mother but not quiet, just like both her brothers Theo and Jace.

"Yes, we've got her. She wanted s'mores thats all, nothing to worry about JB," Sandy tells her son.

"Okay, sorry I interrupted,"

"JB this is Jack Bartlett of Heartland ranch. Jack this JB our son," Ray introduces us.

"Mr. Bartlett," THAT man voices in greeting extending his hand to me.

"Jack. It's just Jack," I tell him with as much sincerity as I can manage. Which comes out flat just as my greeting of, "JB."

All of a sudden I feel something crashing into me from behind which allows me to avoid shaking THAT mans hand. I quickly grab a hold of the boy that's clinging to my leg before he falls over. I lift him up easily holding him in my arms. "Orry Sir, Th..ea where you go," the boys asks surprised to see his sister.

"Ore, ore," she tells him.

"Granme San, where ore?" the boy in my arms asks Sandy.

"Jace you little rascal, you need to eat too. No skipping to eat your food desert for good boys only," she tells him.

"Me berry good," Jace earnestly tells Sandy.

"In that case you will get dessert."

"S'more," he proclaims looking for confirmation.

"Yes, off course s'mores for desert." She confirms, which draws a, satisfied little smirk from the boy in my arms.

"Me too, s'more," the little girl Thea pipes up as well for confirmation.

"Off course, off cause you too Thea." Sandy lets her know which brings forth the same little smirk her brother bestowed upon us a few seasons ago.

"I'll take him Jack. Sorry about that by the away," Sandy voices as she takes Jace from me.

They all excuse themselves and move off to get the children s'mores. My mind in a stupor because of everything that just happened. Meeting Lisa's children up close and JB, on top of the revelation that Ray is JB's father.

* * *

 **Thank you all for reading. Thank you for reviewing and your feedback.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Note: Just to clarify, I'm a novice at this. I do care about all you readers out there. I will please half you and will offend the other half with my grammar, punctuation, thin plot, unrevealed character bios, etc. I know full well that I will not be able to please everyone. If anything in my story offends you there is most likely nothing I will be able to do about it. Please note I do not condone any unlawful behavior or adovate it.  
**

 **My writing fanfic is to explore the characters to best of my** **ability** (which is limited by the way) **, in an AU or CANON** (had to look this up - Novice) **story and also to help improve my writing skills.  
**

* * *

I try to shut my mind off, I can't think about everything right now. It's too much to process. Those kids they don't know it but they've moved something inside of me. I'm not entirely sure what that is yet but it's something profound and deep seated within me. They maybe be HIS children, but I can't help to be captivated by them. How can I not be enthralled by them, after all they are apart of Lisa. Thea has dark hair definitely not Lisa's blonde tresses although Jace the boy that was in my arms has Lisa's blonde hair, of that there can be no doubt.

I find myself at the periphery of the party looking for a glimpse of those children. I want to feast my eyes on them to take them all in, I want to see their mother in them. I see my eyes meet someone familiar and my solitude I realise is about to be disrupted.

"Hi Jack," Harry, Lisa's righthand man greets me.

"Hi there Harry," I greet sincerely, genuinely happy to see him.

"I haven't talked to you in a very, very long time," Harry states.

"Yeah, too long. You know you didn't have to do what you did to help Amy, sending horses from Fairfield whenever she was having a rough patch," I let him know about the horses that always showed up at Heartland needing to be fixed when Amy didn't have client horses to work on.

"That's not the reason, I sent her the horses. Amy is the best at getting to the root of troubled horses and when there is a lull in her schedule it is up to me to make sure I take advantage of that fact by making sure that Fairfield and our associates horses get the best person available for the job," Harry tells me honestly.

"You didn't need to send the horses in one of your unmarked trailers and with a third party as a go between, Harry. That was unnecessary, I new the horses were from Fairfield."

Harry gives me a looking trying to figure out how I knew they came from Fairfield.

"I met Ricky on one of my trips with Lisa. I know he did contract work for Fairfield when you need to be discrete." I tell him openly.

"I should have known you might have met him. Look Lisa wanted the best care for the horses but she also didn't want it to be uncomfortable for Amy or you. So, we decided on this, as a way to make sure that our horses still got what they needed from the best which is Amy. Lisa never knew how many horses or when I sent horses to Heartland. She left that to me and concentrated on other things."

"You can say it, you know. It's not as if I haven't found out," I tell him.

"I don't know what you are…." I don't let him finish as I interrupt him.

"Those other things you're alluding to she concentrated on, being her 'family'," I remark to Harry.

Before Harry has a chance to respond, "Hey, Harry thought you weren't going to show up," THAT man appears out of nowhere and remarks. He has a small bundle of joy in his arms. The baby playing with her fathers shirt with her head turned into his chest which gives me no chance to take the little girl in to compare her to her siblings.

"Making sure everything at Fairfield was done before I came by, JB," Harry says by way of explanation.

"You two know each other well, it seems," JB says referring to Harry and I, gesturing between the two of us.

A simple "Yes," escapes Harry's lips.

A soft, "Yeah," escapes my lips confirming JB's observation.

"My dad said you owned Heartland ranch, and my brothers informed me your granddaughter Amy is the miracle girl."

"Yes, she is."

"Well, that explains why you know each other so well. Lisa must have had your granddaughter look at many of her horses. That would be have you both in contact quiet often."

"Something like that," I impart almost reluctantly.

"Harry, nice seeing you again," I quickly tell Harry now desperate to leave this conversation and the company of THAT man.

"JB," I robotically get out trying valiantly to keep the venom out of my voice.

"Bye Jack, hope to see you around," THAT man tells me.

"Jack, keep well," Harry remarks sincerely as I take my leave.

JB looks on after Jack left wondering about the subdued almost strained interaction between them. After a few minutes of Harry playing with Jules he voices.

"I get the distinct impression he didn't like me," JB states to Harry in bafflement.

"Who doesn't like you, JB?" Lisa enquires overhearing the last remark to Harry as strides towards us.

"This guy Jack Bartlett of Heartland ranch. Not that I've ever done anything to him that I'm aware of."

Lisa sipping on her bottled water suddenly chocked on it, at hearing what JB said.

"Jack's here Harry," Lisa asks in almost panicked state.

"Yes, he is Lisa." Harry looks almost pained to admit to Lisa.

"Okay, Sparkles what is going on? Why is this, Jack Bartlett being here freaking you out?" JB enquires in confusion.

"It's nothing JB. It's just, I haven't seen him in a long time," Lisa lies not wanting to explain any further, her nerves already shot after this mornings events. She doesn't need a Jackisode right now.

"So, why would that freak you out? Wait a minute he can't be THAT Jack. As in your EX, JACK," JB questions with disbelief.

Lisa stands there in silence confirming what JB concluded.

* * *

I have this urge deep within me to pummel the hell out of THAT man. This rage I feel is all consuming, I want no I feel the need to do grave bodily harm to him. There is not an ounce of guilt within me for feeling this way.

"Hey Jack, fancy meeting you here," Dr. Trish Varani greeting me and dislodges me from my thoughts.

"Hello, Dr Varani. Are you as a doctor or just enjoying yourself off duty?" I ask her.

"Thankfully today I can be a regular person. Not doctor required for a rodeo party. No high strung stallion throwing people to the floor so no need for my services today," she informs me.

"Although you know doc you'll never be a regular person in my book. You're too good for that," I tell her honestly and from the heart.

"Why, thank you Jack Bartlett, coming from you that is an honour," she tell me touched by my compliment.

"You'll welcome," I tell her.

"You are in a much better mood than the last time I saw you, Jack. You look a much more put together too"

"Ha…ha… I feel, I not exactly sure if it's better but it's something other than I've been feeling. It made want to be here for some unknown reason," I let her know, knowing she will understand what I'm alluding to.

"That's a start, not wanting to be isolated is a good thing," she tells me.

"I don't know about that because to be frank it's not that I didn't want to be alone, it's that I felt this pull to be here today. I don't know why but all I can tell you is that something pulled at me to be here," I say to her opening up to her about my need to be here. Maybe she can help me figure it out.

"I'm just glad you are here and not at home brooding," Trish tells me hinting at my state of mind the last time she saw me.

"What makes you think I'm not doing that anyway?"

"Touche."

* * *

I'm glad I have Ray, Sandy, JB, Jason and Jamie to help with the kids this afternoon. I needed to get out of the house. I didn't want a reminder of what happened this morning. The house would be cleaned now, JB had his security dust and bag everything and later a cleaning crew that he approved was going to clean and apparently decorate the room as it was before. Providing we had a few pictures to aid them with their task, which we did. Apparently people do this sort of thing for a living which today I have to say I'm grateful for. To be perfectly frank, I don't have the mental energy to do all that. This morning has shook me more than a little. I feel almost violated and insecure in my own home and worried about the safety of my children.

It's times like these that I would have gone straight to Heartland and into Jack's strong protective arms. There is nothing like Jack Bartlett's embrace. It enfolds you whole, taking the coldness away, has a way of making you feel safe, secure and contented beyond belief. He would have held me on the porch or the leather couch until he was sure all my demons were chased away. He wouldn't overwhelm me with empty words, his fingertips would soothe me as they ran gently back and forth on my arm and on my back. He would hold me as close to him as humanly possible, I'd feel the steady beat of his heart. Eventually my heartbeat would find itself in sync with his, almost beating as one. He would then graze a kiss across my head or forehead uttering that no matter what it was, we'd fine a way to deal with it as long as we did it together and were there for one another. Then he would have taken me to bed and made soft, sweet, gentle love to me. It would be so sweet loving and tender that it would make me weep. Jack's a complex man his strong, forceful and rough as he is soft, gentle and tender. He would take what he needed from me just as much as he would give me what I needed, and I would do the same. It was an intimacy that transcended all boundaries, it was something neither of us expected or experienced before we were together. Jack knew how I needed to be loved and I miss that. I feel adrift sometimes and that scares me because I can't afford to be, I have a lot of people now depending of me.

* * *

THAT man and I cross paths at the s'mores bar which is closed down because they've run out, not surprising as it was a great hit with the everyone. We seem to be alone everyone else at the pumpkin bowling alley or the temporary photo booth.

"I figured out who you are. You should say away from Lisa and our family," THAT man has the audacity to tell what I should and shouldn't be doing.

"Excuse me!" I say in indignation not moving an inch standing my ground not impressed with him at all.

"You heard me. I know you're Sparkles ex….," he informs me but doesn't finish the rest of his sentence as I make sure to interpret him.

"Sparkles…" I say with a mock chuckle dripping with disdain.

He gets up into my face and states boldly again, "Stay away from her and the kids."

"You don't own Lisa. You don't get to speak for her. And another thing, how about you don't tell me, what I should and shouldn't be doing," I remark furiously straight back at him.

"I have every right to speak for her. You broke her heart you son-of-bitch. I'm the one who had to pick up the pieces. She's been through hell and back the last two years, where were you then? Nowhere, to be seen in her life, but I was there so you'll forgive me when tell you what to do because you're not man enough to do the right thing and stay away from her."

"And, you're man enough, boy?" I say with venom.

"Apparently Lisa thinks so. It's understandable, after all a man your age would never be able to satisfy a woman like her," he gleefully tells me.

"Is that so, BOY?" I grind out through gritted teeth mere inches from his face.

He step up closer with his mouth now angled to my ear and states, "You know what old man, I'll tell you a secret. She told me she didn't know what a real man was until I made her mine and gave her something only a real man could, a family."

My fist already clenched to make sure he knows what a real man can do. I push him away from me making enough room for me to deck him as I hard as I can. He didn't expect that and I make sure he won't get out of this further unscathed making sure my first connect with an upper cut to his chin and followed by hook straight into his ribs. We go at each other now punch for punch, grappling each other to the ground before getting back up to resume trying to take each others heads off.

* * *

I shake my head trying to get rid of everything Jack. There's been some sort of commotion that being going on for a good few minutes. I decide I might as well go see what its all about. I hope it doesn't involve any my children. I've had enough to deal with today already. I can't take anything else today, I'm too close to losing it both mentally and emotionally. I merely need a night to get my bearings and strength back. As I stride I see a large crowd gathered, I hear heavy breathing and the distinct sounds of a bare knuckled fight. As I wade my way through the crowd, for some reason people avoid making eye contact and let me through without any complaint. The horror is instant as I see Jack and JB going at it like gladiators trying to literally kill each other.

I run over just as Jack is about to throw another punch and call out, "Enough both of you," I shout at them.

They stop immediately at the sound of my voice. Jack has JB on the ground and is over him ready to land a mighty blow that will surely do serve damage by the look soft JB's bloodied face. They behemoth look at me like in a daze but are aware enough of me. I get to her they are and I can see how bloodied they both are. Hands, face and I'm sure under their clothes as well. But I can't think about that right now. I need to get Jack off JB before he does something he'll regret. I bend down take Jack's hand begin to unclench it from JB's collar. I hold his hand in mine and pull him up with me. I release his hand as I've turn into his chest. His eyes on me filled with the tears and I can't bring myself to banish him from here.

I put my hand on his chest and whisper to him as he lowers his head to hear to me. "This is done. No more hitting, okay," I tell him in anguish. "Tim will take you to the photo booth, where Trish will have a look at you," with distress in my voice, I let him know making sure he can hear in my voice that this is the only option available to him.

"Okay, Lise," he gently whispers to me never taking his eyes of off me. I can see how much pain he is in, he needs to see a doctor now.

"Tim," I call out my eyes not leaving his. As I see his shadow cast over us I tell him," Take Jack to the photo booth. He needs be looked at."

Tim goes around and places his hand around Jack for support. Jack's eyes flinch in pain but it opens only to settle upon mine. "Go," I tell Tim as Jack is forced to relinquish contact with my eyes.

"Trish," I call. She is obviously upset and horrified as I am. "Take a look at Jack, Tim's taking him to the…,"

"Photo Booth," Trish finishes for me.

"What about, JB? He will be going to the hospital. Jack on the other hand…..," I state to her trailing off knowing Trish knows Jack hates hospitals. She scurries off to the photo booth as quick as she can.

"Jason, Jamie," I call. They both make their way to JB and I after handing of the children to Ray and Sandy.

"We need to get JB up and into the truck. He needs to go the hospital," I tell them as JB sits crouched on the floor.

"I'm fine Sparkles," he say through gritted teeth.

"No, you're not. I've been through enough today. They will take you to the hospital to get checked out," I fairly order him.

"What about the kids," he voices by way of getting out of going to the hospital.

"Now, you're about them," I with an edge to my voice. He stop protesting and allows Jamie and Jason to take him to the hospital.

"Okay, everyone the shows over," Harry thankfully proclaims as the crowd disperses. I hold my temples in distress at the situation. Upon opening my eyes after trying to gather my thoughts I see Ray and Sandy come forward wit the kids.

"Thanks Harry, I need you to take Ray and Sandy home," I let him know.

"Do you two mind. I need you to look after them until I get home. You'll be the first to know of JB's condition, I promise."

"We don't mind at all Lisa. You know we would not have it any other way," Sandy lest me know.

"Are you okay, Lisa?" Ray enquires with worry.

"I'm fine, Ray. I'm not the one that was participating in a slugfest," I state to him letting him know not to worry.

"Harry make sure Adrain, Luke and Jason stay in the house with them, okay."

"Will do, Lisa."

I take a hold of Jace and Theo's hands and lead them to the truck. I kiss Thea as Ray put her into her seat. I do the same as just before Sandy passes Jules to Ray to put in the seat. I kiss both Jace and Theo before Harry straps them in and drives away.

* * *

With the children taken care off, I make my way towards the photo booth to check on Jack. I should be angry at Jack and JB but all I am is downcast. Tim is outside of the photo booth.

"Why didn't you or anyone stop them?" I ask Tim trying to understand why they all let it get so out of control.

"A few of us tried, Lisa. We really did but they shoved us out of the way, intent on having a go at each other," Tim informs me.

"How is he?"

"Trish kicked me out but it can't be too good. They were really trying to hurt each other Lisa."

"Isn't that fantastic!" I say sarcastically as I make my way into the photo booth where Jack is being treated.

I walk into the booth at I see Jack shirtless sitting up on the table holding a couple of ice bags against his ribs with his arm as a strap keeping them in place. His head lifts as soon as I walk in, our eyes interlocked as I make my way toward him and Trish.

"Jack close your eyes," Trish tells him. But he doesn't comply and keeps his eyes on me.

"Lisa he needs to close his eyes. I need to put drops to ward of any infection with all the sand and blood that got onto them and take care of the cuts above his eyebrows," Trish lets me know.

"Jack, please," I softly utter in gentle request.

Without breaking eye contact he nods his head slightly in acquiescence as he finally closes them breaking the contact. She stops the bleeding, asks him to open his eyes, delivers the eye drops making him close his eyes. For the brief moment they were open they searched out mine and settled on them before Trish lifted his up attend to him.

"How's JB?" Trish enquires with concern in her voice as she work on Jack.

"I don't know. But he doesn't look good. I sent him to the hospital."

"Okay, that's good," Trish says with relief.

"Can you get Jack to go to one too," Trish ask half jokingly and half serious.

"He hates hospitals. Short of being unconscious or having a member of his family in there, he won't go," I state matter of factly.

I take in all the cuts and bruises on Jacks torso, abdomen, back and face. I decide to take a seat on one of the hay bales across the booth. After this morning, coupled with this I have nothing left in me. Spent mentally and emotionally the tears fall unbidden. I watch Trish work on Jack trying to the best she can with the carnage that blows inflicted. I can't believe people let them do that to each other.

Trish has been cleaning and stitching everything up, she's been working on me for over forty-five minutes at least, I've clock since Lisa's arrival. Sat on a hay bale with her knees to her chin, arms criss-crossed over them and her head settled upon them. I don't know how long it's been but since Trish allowed me to open my eyes, Lisa has been staring vacantly through me with tears running down her face occasionally.

Today Trish doesn't say a word as she treats me aside from the doctoring commands. Trish finishes and I see her looking at Lisa. Before she tries to bring Lisa out of her daze I plead with her by stating , "I did this to hear, let me try and fix it". She leaves to give Tim an update and gives Lisa and I a moment but not before warning me to be careful and not cause more damage.

* * *

 **Thank** **you all for reading. Thanks for taking time out to review. Feedback is welcome.**


	15. Chapter 15

Looking at Lisa sitting despondently on the hay bale with her knees to her chin, arms criss-crossed over them with her head settled upon them, I'm suddenly not sure what to do. I can see Lisa is at her wits end, she's a strong woman and I know she would never fall apart like this in a public place if she wasn't. Lisa hates showing weakness to anyone. I'm the only one that I'm aware of that she was willing to show that she was distressed about anything and I usually had to pull it out her.

She's staring straight through me almost as if she's not aware I'm right here looking at her. I'm unsure of what she's feeling and that makes me unsure of what I should do. I do the only thing I'm used to doing when I know she's hurting. I gingerly make my way to her and sit down next to her, although the physical pain is now immense, it's nothing compared to seeing her this way. Sitting up and leaning my back carefully against the hay bale so as not to cause my broken ribs any more reason to cause me more pain. I take my right arm and pull Lisa into my chest and place my chin on her head. She melts into me with her body turning into mine for comfort as her right hand grabs a fistful of my shirt at the crook of my shoulder and chest with her this close, I can feel her irregular breath on my collar bone.

The pain that I felt from all the blows suddenly subsides into a background ache as I feel her heart beating next mine. My right arm across her back with my fingertips soothing her with a rhythmic back and forth over it. It's not enough, so I take my left hand and clasp onto her hand that is still grips fist full of my shirt as I run my thumb back and forth over her knuckles. Eventually her heart beats in sync with mine and I feel this contentment extend throughout my body. My eyes become heavy with sleep my breathing becoming g slow and shallow…..

* * *

"How bad is Jack?" Tim asks.

"Bad but it could have been a lot worse. Lots of cuts and bruises but the most worrying are the two broken ribs on his left side," Trish lets Tim know.

"I guess you came out here to get me, so I can take Jack home," Tim remarks to Trish.

"Actually no, I came out here to give Jack and Lisa some privacy. They really need to talk," Trish relates to Tim.

"Do they ever?" Tim confirms.

"Do you know why they broke up?"

"I don't have a clue. All I know is, after she came back for his heart attack they seemed to be back together. Then just as suddenly they were not together anymore," Tim tells her.

"So, not because of Lyndy," Trish asks trying to figure out what happened between Jack and Lisa.

"They broke up two weeks before Lyndy showed up at the ranch. Well, that's what I think because it's the last time I saw Lisa until a few weeks ago," Tim tells Trish.

"Does anybody know why they broke up?" Trish asks.

"Both Jack and Lisa are private people. It not likely they would have told anyone why they broke up?" Tim remarks to Trish of his observation.

"Is there a reason, why you want to know? Or is this ideal curiosity on your part."

"Curious, that's all. I've never seen them in the same room until today. And…never mind," Trish trails off deep in thought.

"And, you can see what a blind man can feel when they're together," Tim says out loud what Trish is thinking.

"Okay, so I'm not the only one that notices it."

"No, you're not," Tim states letting her know she's not alone her observation.

"Lets see if they're done."

Tim and Trish look inside only to find Lisa enfolded in Jack's arms. Both asleep looking like they're holding onto each other for dear life.

"Just like old times," Tim states nostalgically.

"They obviously need the rest. We'll come check on them later," Trish remarks to Tim as they take their leave, leaving Jack and Lisa asleep in each others arms.

* * *

I wake up to a feel of a caress over my knuckles still within her hand, with a fist full of my shirt within her palm as she still clasps it, only now her other hand comes up to our joined hands and runs her delicate fingers over my bruised knuckles. She's picked up on my quickened heart rate and looks up into my face softy saying, "Hi."

"Hi," I say back to her. At least she's talking to me after what happened.

"I fell asleep on you," she remarks to me softly barely above a whisper.

"Me too," I get out on a whisper as well.

She brings her hand to my face and examines the damage, lightly caressing over the cuts and bruises before doing the same to my hands.

"How bad?" she asks me in a whisper.

I look at her knowing that she'd find out the truth from Trish. I decide I might as well tell her myself.

"Lots of cuts and bruises, the only real damage is the two broken ribs on the left."

She makes a move to get out of my arms after hearing about the broken ribs. But I hold fast onto her tightening my grip just a bit to make sure she stays where she is. I take her hand lower it to where the broken ribs are where she simply lets her hand rest.

"Are you in a lot of pain?"

"The doc gave me pain killers, its not too bad now," I tell Lisa.

"You can't keep on getting into fights. This isn't like you," she tells me with a frown etched on her forehead.

"Two fights," I clarify adding, "things change Lisa."

"I know they do," she lets me know. "We may not be together anymore but that doesn't mean I don't care what happens to you Jack," she states to me sincerely.

"Why would you care Lisa?" I ask needing to know why she's not angry with me after the fight.

"Because you're a good man Jack, and all I want is for you to be happy," she voices with heartfelt kindness.

"I want the samething for you, Lisa. It's what I always wanted for you. And you have that Lisa with the beautiful children you have, motherhood suits you."

"Thank you, that's nice of you to say," she remarks with gratitude at the compliment. "I want you to know that you were a big part of my life Jack, it's something I will always cherish."

"Me too," I tell her sincerely.

She moves out of my arms to stand up.

"I'm glad we talked. If I decide to spend more time at Fairfield we'll run into each other for sure. I don't want things to be awkward between us. Although we are not together anymore it doesn't mean we can't be friends," Lisa remarks.

"I'd like that," I reveal to her truthfully as I stand up and move to stand in front of her.

"Please take care of yourself Jack and DO NOT get into anymore fights. In fact I forbid you to get into anymore fights," she remarks to me finishing with a command of not getting into any more fights.

I can't help but chortle at her implied order. "Ahh… Lisa, I don't think friends can forbid each other to do things," I impart to her with a hint of amusement.

She moves so close to me, I can feel her breath on my face while proclaiming with authority, "Well, this friend can and does."  
"Are we clear cowboy?" she enquires waiting for my confirmation.

"Yes, ma'am," I emphatically respond to her. My breath cascading down onto her face as I relay in confirmation "You forbid me getting into anymore fights. Got it."

"For….," her breath carries and cascades into my mouth and over my lips as her eyes demand my compliance and submission.

"…..bid," I finish exhaling into her mouth. My lips a hair's breadth from hers as I surrender to her command before a noise at the entrance of the booth breaks the spell as we both take a step back from each other.

"Came to see if you guys were up," Tim states from the entrance.

"Yeah, I guess we needed the rest. Trish, please make sure Jack is okay, tomorrow," Lisa states to Trish.

"Really, he'll willing comply with a follow-up? He'll come in to the office for a check up, or do I make a house call," with surprise Trish asks wanting to know where this would take place.

Lisa turns to me, those mesmerising sparkling blue eyes searing into mine, virtually commanding me comply.

"House call," I say to Trish.

"No, he'll come to your office. Tim will bring him," Lisa tells Trish with those mesmerising sparkling blue eyes searing into mine. Our eyes on fire, using up all the oxygen in the room.

Tim and Trish look on in curiosity wanting to know which one I'd be taking up.

"Office, if Tim can manage," I state, not only to Lisa but to Trish and Tim.

"No problem, Jack," Tim says.

Lisa puts an end to our eyes interlocking by turning to Trish and Tim.

"Thank you, Tim," Lisa genuinely communicates to him for doing this. "I need to get going but before I do, I just need to make sure if his going home with you, Tim."

"Yes, he will be. Trish told me the damage, I'll be driving," Tim lets Lisa know.

"Trish, Tim thank you, for everything today and for tomorrow," Lisa voices gratefully.

She turns to me, "Bye Jack. Don't you dare renegade on anything, as per our pact," Lisa tells me, being discrete as she always is.

"Bye Lisa," I say as she leaves the photo booth.

* * *

"Lynd's how much longer is it going to take to get him sign over Heartland's mineral rights over to you?" Edmon asks Lyndy.

"I don't know. I didn't think it would be so difficult, but his changed since some whore has wised him up because he would have never had papers like that drawn up," Lyndy tells Edmon her New York husband.

"These papers effectively shut down any hopes of us or anyone drilling and mining on Heartland without those mineral rights."

"I would have divorced him within three months as we planned if I knew I was entitled to a piece of Heartland's mineral rights along with a sizeable portion of land."

"But the lawyers say Heartland is locked up for at least the next five hundred years according to the papers you stole from the Bartlett safe."

"It's getting more and more difficult to see each other Edmon. The kids are always wondering where I am," she tells Edmon in frustration.

"I don't see why you need to tell them about your whereabouts?" Edmon remarks.

"Neither do I. There is no privacy in that house. I can't get a phone call out to you without one of them checking the phone bill and questioning the new number and why so many calls are going out to that number."

"You need to work on him harder, Lynds."

"He is the most difficult man Edmon to get him to do something these days is impossible. It's difficult to know how to get to him."

"His got a dick Lynd's use it against him. Get some whore to fuck his brains out if that's what it takes and get him to sign over those mineral rights to you."

"Edmon his a freak. No, woman enjoys a dick that fat and big. It used to fucking hurt. I had a rule with him, once on his birthday and once on our anniversary. Those were the only martial rights I was going to allow him."

"No wonder he turned into a crusty bitter bastard," Edmon tells her with chuckle.

"But you have a point. I need to find a whore that will be able to do the job for us. And since his so fond of them it should be a piece of cake," Lyndy tells Edmon confidently with this new plan giving her something to work with.

"Don't they suspect anything with you being over to the dude ranch all the time," Edmon enquires.

"They are all gullible. They actual think I want to make sure the cabins are in pristine shape. They think I enjoy it so much that I'm willing to bend over backward to accommodate our guests."

"Lucky me." Edmon smiles at her and gives her a peck on the cheek.

* * *

Lisa makes her way into the hospital where Jamie meets her to take to JB's room.

"Did you call your parents, to let them know how he is?" I ask Jamie.

"Just as you requested, Lisa. Don't worry they talked to him," Jamie lets me knows which eases my mind. After all Ray and Sandy couldn't be here with their son because I asked them to look after the kids.

"Because when I called to check on the kids not too long ago, they hadn't received a call," I tell Jamie.

"Swear to God Lisa. It was give or take twenty minutes ago. We couldn't do it before because he was getting all the scans done after getting all his cut cleaned out and stitched up." He gives me a rundown just as we reach what I assume is JB's room.

"Hey Lisa, the doc gave him the all clear. We are waiting on his meds before bugging out of here," Jason notifies me. "Jamie and I gonna grab something from the cafeteria, do you want anything Lisa," he enquires before leaving with his brother after I declined.

"What did the doctor say?" I ask JB wanting to know how badly hurt he is.

"Sprained right wrist and dislocated shoulder with two broken fingers, three broken ribs one left and two on the right. Two broken fingers on the left hand. Bruising and cuts everywhere else." JB states leaving me shocked at the damage.

"That man is built like an ox," JB tells me.

"Yes, he is," I affirm knowing exactly how strong Jack really is. "How much pain are you in?" I ask JB.

"I hopped up on the meds, really can't feel anything Sparkles," He tells me as I take a look at the damage inflicted by Jack. I don't know what to say.

"Did you tell him he has children?"

"What? No, JB, I told you telling their father wasn't an option. It still isn't, he already has a family. I will not disrupt his life or his family's that way."

"Why did the fight start JB?"

"I told him to stay away from you and the kids. I told him you were mine and he lost it," JB informs me. "His still has a thing for you Lisa," JB adds.

"No, he doesn't, it's a bit more complicated then that when it comes to Jack and I."

"Tell me why it's complicated," JB pushes for an answer wanting an explanation.

"I can't JB it's a personal thing between Jack and I and frankly no one else's business."

"But you are impliying he doesn't have feelings for you, that it's something else that made him want to pummel into the ground."

"It's a guy thing you told him I was yours and that must have goaded him," Lisa states with certainty.

"If he has no feelings for you, he wouldn't care Lisa."

"You're not listening to me JB, its more complicated then that," I impart to JB knowing I can't divulge something personal about me and Jack and nor do I want to.

"All I saw was a man that was jealous as hell Lisa."

"Just drop it JB," I tell him as a nurse walk in to check his bandages and stitches.

"You need to tell your parents JB. I don't like deceiving them," I change the subject wanting to tackle something that has been on mind for quite some time.

"You're not deceiving them, I am."

"Please tell them, you'll feel better."

"I'll think about it, okay."

Finally after another hour we make our way home. I need to make sure the children are, okay. I hope they didn't see JB and Jack hitting the hell out of each other. Two men havaing done so much for me trying to rip each others head off is something deeply disturbing to me.

* * *

 **Thank you all for taking the time and effort to read. Thank you for the reviews and feedback. It is appreciated.**


	16. Chapter 16

Ray and Sandy on a leisurely trial ride somewhere on the Fairfield property. They find a nice spot to take a nice picnic lunch and enjoy the scenery and the food they'd brought with them.

"This was a good idea, Sandy," Ray says as he takes in the scenery and the fresh air.

"It is beautiful out here," she says as looks out over the horizon. "Not that it has eased my mind any, JB looks like truck ran over him," she tells me concerned.

"At least it wasn't anymore worse then it could have been," I tell Sandy.

"If Lisa had not intervened Jack would have carried on pummelling JB. He would have had many more broken bones in his body if that happened."

"Yeah, I know. Thank god she did, the rest of us that tried had no luck," I remind her.

"I honestly don't think anyone else could have stopped him. That rageful trance he was in, was truly frightening, Ray."

"I was as shocked as you were, Sandy. He wanted JB's blood that's for sure."

"After meeting him and seeing Jace in his arms I'm convinced his the father. First of Jace doesn't just let anyone pick him up and would have immediately wanted out of his arms but the boy was not in the slightest bit concerned and that is a first," Sandy remarks to me about her observations that had taken place between Jack and Jace at the rodeo party.

"Not to mention the green eyes, which are a match to Jack's," I add on to Sandy's observations.

"He was wonderful, perfectly at ease with them and I can see how Lisa would be with a man that is so gentle and caring. But then there was the fight and how brutal he was. Honestly, he is a walking contradiction Ray."

"The fight was about Lisa, you know. And apparently Jack's second fight of the week from what I hear, with that fight being about Lisa as well."

"So, what exactly are you trying to say Ray?" Sandy enquires wanting to know where I'm going with this.

"His head over heels in love with her," I tell Sandy.

"Well, that's pretty obvious Ray. All she had to do was raise her voice to get him to stop instantly and she got him stop without any hesitation whatsoever I might add," Sandy affirms sarcastically to me.

"Not to mention the way his eyes stayed locked onto hers and never left it," I notify Sandy of the other thing that gave it away.

"You're forgetting the way Lisa's eyes were just as transfixed on his. Not to mention the gentleness and care she took with him. She's in love with him Ray."

"I don't know why she didn't tell him about the children?" I voice to Sandy.

"Maybe this is the reason Lisa doesn't want him involved in the children's life. You know his anger maybe he… he…. You think maybe he used to hit her before and maybe she didn't want her children to grow up seeing that," Sandy voices her concern to me.

"Cassandra Bowman first off Lisa is a strong woman and would not stay in relationship with a man if he did that to her. Secondly, I know I've only known Jack Bartlett a handful of hours but I am reasonably sure that he is not the abusive type," I let her know in no uncertain terms.

"What about his propensity of getting into fist fights?" she utters trying to refute my defence of his character to her.

"He is jealous, Sandy. Not merely jealous but out of his mind envious that the woman he loves has children with another man. You know since he believes they are JB's. He is lashing out Sandy because he believes he lost his chance with her and now at a chance of having a family with the woman he loves."

"You're not afraid his a violent abusive man at all, Ray?" she asks me looking for a guarantee.

"Yes, Sandy everything in me tells me that he is an honest to good man. With, regards to the fist fights especially the one with JB, I think there were words said that set him off on his rampage to hurt JB."

"Do you have anything to back that up," Sandy enquires skeptically to me.

"It's funny you should ask," I say to her as I pull out my cell phone and play a clip for her that the boys sent to me after having got it from someone else.

Phone Video Replay

 _"I have every right to speak for her. You broke her heart you son-of-bitch. I'm the one who had to pick up the pieces. She's been through hell and back the last two years, where were you then? Nowhere, to be seen in her life, but I was there so you'll forgive me when I tell you what to do because you're not man enough to do the right thing and stay away from her."_

 _"And, you're man enough, boy?" I say with venom._

 _"Apparently Lisa thinks so. It's understandable, after all, a man your age would never be able to satisfy a woman like her," he gleefully tells me._

 _"Is that so, BOY?" I grind out through gritted teeth mere inches from his face._

 _He_ step _up closer with his mouth now angled to my ear and states, "You know what old man, I'll tell you a secret. She told me she didn't know what a real man was until I made her mine and gave her something only a real man could, a family."_

"Sandy if Jack is half as much in love with Lisa as I think he is, this would have sent him over the edge. Because if some said that to me about the woman I love, I would have wanted to hurt him just as badly as Jack wanted to hurt JB. I know fighting isn't the answer but a man can only take so much until he feels his manhood is not simply being questioned but wrote of completely," I state to her.

"Since when does JB speak that way to people. I've never seen him brag and be so vicious to a person," Sandy wants to know.

"His in love with her Sandy and feels threatened by Jack," I give a reason to cut JB some slack. "They're both in love with Lisa and Lisa is in love with Jack. Jack has a wife and is married and we both know Lisa is not in love with JB and sees him as a good friend," I tell Sandy laying out the facts.

"What a mess Ray?" Sandy tell me after we put everything on the table.

* * *

On the way to Dr. Varani's office. Tim doesn't know how to bring up what happened or what he saw between him and Lisa.

"How is the pain today Jack?" Tim asks wanting know.

"Worse then getting kicked by a bunch horses," Jack replies.

"What were you thinking Jack? This is the second time within a week that you've got in fight," Tim states to Jack waiting for an answer.

"I was thinking I wanted to take their heads off," Jack gets out nonchalantly.

"This isn't a joke Jack," Tim says thinking Jack was taking this lightly.

"I wasn't joking. I wanted to take their heads off," Jack states matter of factly.

"Do you realise, how that sounded? You sound like a crazed thug Jack," Tim informs him.

"Maybe, I am," Jack offers in reply.

"No, you're not a thug. Do you know how many times I've pushed you over the edge? You haven't tried to take my head off but the way you did with this JB you were trying to break every bone in his body Jack."

"Do want me to lie to you, and say that isn't what I was trying to do?" Jack says to Tim.

"What did Lisa have to say about your behaviour? Tim asks Jack knowing Lisa wouldn't approve and that is something Jack would take note of and make him less prone to throwing any more punches.

"Nothing," Jack tells Tim.

"Nothing, you mean the same 'nothing' that Trish and I walked in on," Tim remarks to Jack letting him know that Jack's nothing is actually something.

Jack doesn't bother to answer, simply stares out the window as if had not heard Tim.

* * *

I close my eyes as I wait in the examine room for Dr. Varani. Twice in week to visit a doctor. That is a record for me. The door opens and I see the good doctor enter.

"Hello, Jack, lets get started," Trish greets me and gets straight to business.

"Hi, Doc, What do you need me to do?" I ask her.

"Unbutton your shirt for me, in fact, you need to take everything off," Trish informs me.

"Ahh…Everything, I ask her," with hesitation in my voice.

I scowl as I take my clothes of, none to pleased at this development.

"Yes, Jack, everything, I need to do a full x-ray. Earlier in the week it was just your hand but today, I need to do a full body scan."

"I'll give you a gown," Trish tries to placate me.

"That doesn't make me feel any better. Who designed these ridiculous thing anyway?" I ask her wanting to know the name of the person that would come up with such a stupid design. I leave to change in the small bathroom in this the exam room. That was uncomfortable having to take everything off and now I have my ass hanging out of this thing as I head out.

"Where do you want me? I ask her.

"Lie on your back with your hands at your sides, feet apart, eyes on the ceiling. Close your eyes until I ask you to open them," Trish states as she get to work.

"Okay that's done, now I want you to lie on your abdomen, feet apart, face down, eyes closed until I ask you to open them," she repeats once again.

"And we're done with that. Just lie there I want to check the x-rays quickly and then have a look at your back," Trish says to me as she moves the equipment back to the corner.

She quickly looks at the scans looking for something and then comes to examine table to examine my back and the back of my legs by opening the back of this gown exposing my skin for inspection.

"Need you to turn and lie on your back," she tells me.

Before I do though I try to tie the back of my gown up at which time she states, "Leave them undone. I need to look at your ribs and the front of your legs as well."

"Why did I say yes, to this again?" I ask in irritation.

"I'm pretty sure it had something to do with Lisa," Trish tells me.

"Oh, yeah now I remember," I tell her with a smirk on my face recollecting how that happened.

She examines my legs first and then gets to my torso and prodes at the bruises and my broken ribs making me take short breaths as the pain shoots through my body when she adds pressure to these areas.

"Go put your pants on but leave your shirt unbuttoned. I need to re-cleanse some of the cuts on your torso," Trish tells me as I hurry before she changes her mind lets me sit there in this abomination while she tends to it.

"Ready, doc," I tell her feeling much more comfortable although not entirely with my shirt still hanging open.

She gets to work and starts cleaning out all the cuts.

"I thought you were doing okay yesterday when I talked to you. But then I see you, beating the crap out of JB," Trish tells me.

"Do you know this JB, well?" I ask Trish wanting to know if she knows anything about him.

"More of an acquaintance, his around when I have a look at the kids when they come down with things or for other things" she tells me honestly.

"Do you know if he makes Lisa happy?" I ask her wanting know ever since I laid my eyes on him.

She stops what she's doing and gives me a look. She's contemplating something, so I wait hoping she can answer my question.

"You know you and Lisa should take your act on the road," she remarks to me.

"I'm sorry, what?" I ask in confusion.

"The other day when I went over to look at Theo, she asked me if you were doing okay, if you were in any pain after your fight with Dan. And today here you are asking if I think JB makes her happy. You two need to locked up somewhere, so you both can ask each other all the questions you want and not have a third party losing things in translation," she tells me bluntly. "Why didn't you ask her this yesterday when you both at the photo booth?"

"It didn't cross my mind. And honestly, I was too worried about the state she was in. I just needed to make sure she was going to be, okay."

"For two people that are not together anymore you sure do ask a lot about the other's well-being," Trish remarks to me.

"That's what friends do, don't they. Ask about each other's well-being?" I say to Trish.

"Oh! So, that is what you and Lisa were doing when Tim and I walked in to see if you both had woken up after you'd both fell asleep in each others arms," Trish tells me sarcastically.

I just look at her not knowing what to say.

"Seriously, you two, friends?" Trish mocks with a brief chuckle. "If that's what friends are, the interlocking eyes, the falling asleep in each others arms, the words spoken barely a hairs breadth from each other's lips, in that case I've got to say the rest of us are doing it wrong?" Trish remarks with her observations.

"It isn't antyhing like the way you're making it out to be. It's complicated between Lisa and me," I tell her.

"Well, if you two could uncomplicated things, everyone would benefit from it," Trish says cryptically.

* * *

Lightening Dexter is Lisa's horse, well, well, isn't that fortuitous. Thank you, Val for informing me that Lightening Dexter once belonged to that whore and was one of her prized horses. Now I know why Jack is so hung up on that stupid horse.

"Lyndy, you have some new information I can use against Lisa to make her want to leave?" a man tells Lyndy.

"Yes, I have just the thing to make her throw up and want to run for the hills or in this case to France," Lyndy tells the man gleefully.

"So, what is it?" he asks eagerly wanting to know.

"She owned a horse named Lightening Dexter but sold it off. But according to my sources she still loves that horse and would do anything for it. Fortunate for us this horse is now housed at Heartland. I'll help you get the horse and you do your worst," she tells the man jovially.

"What is off the table when it comes to using this horse to make our point?" the man looks for specific guidelines to proceed with his task.

"Absolutely nothing, I want her nauseated and shaken out of her mind. I want her to throw up everytime she thinks about what was done to that horse because of her?" Lyndy clarifies to him making sure he knows exactly what she wants.

"Do you want to be kept in the loop of what I'm going to do?" he asks Lyndy.

"Yes, I would. If that doesn't work we will start to move on a more aggressive personalised plan of attack until she gets the point."

"How soon do you want this done?" the man asks.

"Yesterday, so work fast and make it good. I want results."

* * *

The office phone in 's office rings.

"Hi Trish, did Jack show up for his follow-up?" I ask her fearful that he hasn't and that there could be more damage then we know.

"Hi Lisa, yes he did. Before you ask anything else, how is JB? I ask genuinely concerned.

"Sprained right wrist and dislocated shoulder with two broken fingers, three broken ribs one left and two on the right. Two broken fingers on the left hand. Bruising and cuts everywhere else, " I inform Trish.

"Wow, that is a lot of damage," I say in shock to Lisa.

"Yes, it is. That's why I called, I needed to know Jack doesn't have any other broken bones or fractures," I ask her worried that she'd tell me Jack had more injuries.

"No, nothing came up in the scans, in fact, I just finished with him now. His right in front of me buttoning up his shirt," I tell Lisa.

"That doesn't sound right, you know. If it was anyone else but you I would be…," I trail of not finishing.

"If it was anyone but me you would be, what Lisa?" Trish prompts me to finish my sentence wanting to know what I was going to say.

"Nothing, Trish, …ahh …. can I talk to him, if you don't mind?" I ask hoping she'll allow me to hear his voice.

"Far be it from me to stand in the way of two 'friends' wanting to talk," Trish remarks.

I hear Trish tell Jack that I want to talk to him. I can hear her footsteps as she take the phone to him.

"Hi," I hear him greet me over the phone.

My body sighs with relief hearing his voice. "Hi cowboy, did you behave for Dr. Varani?" I ask him knowing how difficult he can be.

"You didn't give any concrete direction for that. But I'll tell you a secret, I knew you forgot about that part but knew you'd want me on my best behaviour. So, you needn't worry, I took upon myself to take the initiative and duly behaved for you," Jack mischievously informs me.

"Is that so, 'cowboy'?" I exhale into the phone my mouth dry in anticipation of his remark.

"Indeed, it is, 'blue eyes'," Jack says to me sweetly.

"Don't you mean 'Husky Eyes'? I remark just as sweetly.

"Oh….come on….Lise. You know I hate when you do that, I wish Mallory would have kept that to herself. Better yet I wish I hadn't said it," Jack says back with bit of a whine in his voice.

"I'm immensely grateful that you did. Its quiet a source of merriment for me," I tell with amusement lacing my voice.

"I know it, is. It's the only reason I haven't strangled Mallory for telling you," Jack replies.

"Are you really okay, or just putting up a good front for Trish?" I ask him wanting to know the truth.

"I'm better. Won't be entering any rodeo competitions anytime soon, or doing hay lifting, or herding cattle for that matter but I'll survive."

"Promise me you'll take it easy, so you can heal properly," I say sort to him worrying he will hurt himself if doesn't take care of himself.

"I will, okay," Jack softly states to me. "But you have to promise me something too. Promise that you won't worry so much Lise, not just about me but about whatever has you on edge," he voices with concern to me.

"I promise, okay. I have to go now. Please do whatever Trish advises you to do."

"I will, try."

"Bye, Jack'"

"Bye, Lisa."

Trish simply stares at me like I have started bleeding through eyes as I hand her the phone.

"What?" Jack asks Trish in puzzlement.

"'FRIENDS'. I gotta start treating my 'friends' the way you two do with each other. I've got to start to talk to my 'friends' that way," Trish tells Jack looking at the phone alluding to their conversation.

Jack just gives a her a look but doesn't say anything, hoping his silence will get her to drop it.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading and for your feedback. Thank you, for taking the time out to review, I appreciate the effort.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's Note: For all the people waiting for updates thank you for not giving up, unfortunately traveling leaves no time for writing. I am back home for a while hopefully that lasts and I will be able to post more frequently. Thank you all for your patience and encouragement.  
**

* * *

The last month has been harrowing. A few break-ins and other obscure incidents at Fairfield, nothing of any consequence taken and certainly not at the main house where the kids and I with the Bowman family have been staying. I know JB's parents and his brothers have stayed because JB was called back to duty by the military for an undisclosed amount of time, even though he was injured he had to report and I guess whatever they are doing they need him because otherwise, he would have been on medical leave due to his injuries. I worry about him and hope he is looking after himself after the injuries he sustained in the fight with Jack. Ray and Sandy and the J's decided they didn't want to leave especially with these incidents happening at Fairfield. I am grateful that they stayed, in the pass I would have brushed off their concern and gone on with my life as normal, but now that I have children it not only about my safety anymore and that is what now influencers my decisions.

I have tried my best to act normal and make sure the kids can't pick up on the apprehension that has come over the household. Ray and Sandy have been magnificent, with how they have made sure to keep the kids routine almost unchanged, with all the security restrictions that keep on increasing on all of us with each incident.

They have made no secret that they love and feel like my children are their grandchildren even though they know JB is not the father. As JB's best friend and eventual girlfriend they were always there for me when I was growing up. I know they were appalled when JB ran away to join the military, and left me without a word or any clue as to why he left. I was a distraught teenager, living in their guest cottage having been abandoned by their son but to their credit they didn't blame me and were as shocked as I was. We all healed together after he left and became closer because of it. I knew I couldn't take advantage of their hospitality and after couple weeks I told them that I would be going back to stay at my boarding school.

* * *

We have always stayed in touch and I love them for making me feel apart off their family even though I was not one of them. I thank God Austin was not here when JB got into the fight. Ever since I have been his guardian I know that he looks at JB as a role model whenever he is around. With JB's team rotating in and out every six weeks they haven't spent a lot of time together but nonetheless, he gravitates toward JB when his around. I guess for an eleven-year-old boy that is par for the course needing a masculine figure to look up to.

 _Flashback:_  
 _Seven Months Ago_

I remember the day clearly. My sister and Ben were coming to visit while I was at Fairfield. They couldn't make the children's one year party because Ben was on business in the States and they couldn't come to France for it. I was waiting up for my nephew, sister and Ben's best friend and his family who were accompanying them to Fairfield as they were all vacationing together and were planning to travel all over Alberta. My sister and Ben were so excited to see the children. They had seen them only twice in person as a result were absolutely chuffed when I told them I'd be back in Canada for more than just a quick stop.

I remember opening the door upon hearing a vehicle drive up. Only it wasn't Ben and his mom and their guests. It was a RCMP vehicle with a couple of constables.

"Hello, ma'am. I'm constable Wayne and this is constable Hebert. Are you Ms. Lisa Stillmann?"

"Yes, I am."

"Ma'am we are here to inform you that your sister Marie and your nephew Ben were involved in a serious accident. Your number was your sisters ICE (In Case of Emergency) contact on her mobile."

"Are they okay? Where are they now?" I got out hurriedly wanting to get a better grasp of the situation.

"We have no further information on your sister or nephew but we know that they were taken to the Foothills Medical Centre."

"Do you know when this happened?"

"Ma'am, we were told the accident happened maybe four hours ago."

"Okay, thank you for notifying me. If that is all, I'd like to make my way to the hospital."

"Yes, ma'am, we understand. We'll leave you be. This is my card if you require anything please contact us. Goodbye ma'am."

Theo, Jace and Thea were fast asleep. I needed someone to look after them. I called Harry my right-hand man and his wife who are close family friends since before I was born. They arrived and I gave them a few instructions with regards to the kids. Before I left I gave the kids a quick peck and made sure they were asleep and had their comfort blankets.

My mind blank as I drive in an almost dazed state to the Foothills Medical Centre which is over an hour from Fairfield. It's almost midnight leaving the roads mostly empty making my drive a fair bit easier. I finally reach the Foothills Medical Centre after what seems like days.

"Hi, I'm Lisa Stillmann here for Marie and Ben Stillmann. They came in I think a little over five hours ago. Some sort of accident."

"Yes, ma'am. If you take a seat the doctor will be out to see you soon."

"Do you have any information on Marie and Ben?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, I do not. Please take a seat and the doctor will be with you soon."

Before I take my seat a middle aged male doctor asks for anyone from the Stillman family.

"Yes, I'm Lisa Stillmann, Marie's sister and Ben's aunt."

"Ms. Stillman if you would follow me." I follow the doctor hoping he will tell me that they are both okay and that I will be able to speak to them.

"Please take a seat…." the doctor politely offers.

"Please call me Lisa."

"Lisa, please take a seat."

"I'm sorry to inform you that your sister Marie died upon impact and your nephew Ben has severe brain stem damage and is currently being kept alive on a ventilator. Lisa I am very sorry to have to tell you Ben's brain stem damage is only getting worse and to frank with you, it will only be a matter of time until he becomes brain dead. If you could put us into contact with the person who has medical power of attorney for his healthcare directive we would appreciate it as we would be able to further discuss the options now available for Ben."

The disbelief I feel reverberates through my entire being. My mind automatically shuts down the emotions I know will not help if I allow them to surface and take over. I make a concerted effort to get through this by dealing with what I can at this moment in time.

"The last I recall I was appointed as the person who would execute the power of attorney for both their medical and financial well being if anything happened to either of them." The detached unemotional delivery, a coping mechanism etched into since I was little, a necessity in a family such as mine come to think of it.

"That helps a great deal. Before getting into what options we have for Ben, I can have someone take you to the morgue to see your sister if you like."

"I'd appreciated that doctor."

Seeing Marie so lifeless not mention all cut up from the accident was unpleasant. It's absurd how we always expect people to be unblemished in death. We expect to see their face and body without any damage, obviously self programming our minds to see them in the image we would like to remember them as.

I follow the nurse who is taking me to where they are keeping Ben. I know that I will have to make decisions about Ben. I've already taken the life of someone I love, I don't know if the universe is cruel enough to make me do it again.

I enter the room and look at Ben. It is him although half of his face is badly swollen. He is attached to a sea of equipment making Ben looks like some sort of medical experiment with tubes and wires dwarfing his stature making him look like a lost boy stuck behind all of the equipment keeping him alive.

After the doctors letting me have some time with Ben they've laid it all out on the table for me explaining my option and the many factors to think about. Apparently in the past confirming death was straightforward, death was pronounced when the heart stops beating and a person is no longer breathing. In turn, the lack of oxygen as a result of no blood flow will quickly lead to the permanent loss of brain stem function.

Nowdays confirmation of death can be more complex as it is possible to keep the heart beating after the brain stem has permanently stopped functioning. This is as a result of keeping someone on a ventilator thereby allowing the body and the heart to be artificially oxygenated. But once the brain stem has permanently stopped functioning there is no way to reverse this and the heart will eventually stop beating even if a ventilator has been used. To save family and friends from unnecessary suffering, once there is clear evidence that brain death has occurred the ventilator is turned off.

Unfortunately in this case there are other complications because Ben was fitted with a bionic heart when he was eight years old. After our ill fated family disease scarred his heart and made it untenable to continue with his original heart I remember artificial hearts were troublesome because the average human heart has to beat approximately 42 million times a year, which meant that if it were replaced with a machine with a lot of moving parts, it would quickly wear out. I remember how heartbroken Marie was when we realised Ben might be lost to us so soon. We tried everything possible to find a solution for Ben and after many, many tests and a few months and lots of dead ends we finally found a place that had a experimental bionic heart that would work for Ben. I thank god that Fairfield was a booming business that allowed me to take care of my family and allowed us to have alternative experimental options for us. The bionic heart was the first device of its kind to have only one moving part, which propels blood through the body instead of pumping it. We thanked our lucky starts that the device performed in many respects better than any artificial heart anybody had come up with in the last 50 years.

Ben's heart won't stop although his brain they tell me has permanently stopped functioning. As a result they cannot pronounce death because in his case his bionic heart will keep beating despite his brain being dead. The decision has been left to me on what to do. The doctors have their recommendation but cannot give concrete answers to my questions.

Is there any chance that Ben's brain stem will heal itself? The doctors cannot give me a a definitive answer on that because this the first time that this has happened, where the heart will beat without the a functioning brain stem for however long the bionic heart will last; which they say will be a minimum of forty more years. The other thing to think about is Ben's healthcare directive which has a DNR which is null in void in this case. But Ben explicitly told his mum and I if it ever came to a stage where is was essentially a vegetable, he did not want to live on with machines keeping him alive because he didn't see the point.

I guess I know what I have to do, follow Ben's wishes. It was difficult to tell the doctors that they should disconnect Ben's bionic heart but his healthcare directive was clear and no matter my personal feelings I have to adhere to his wishes.

Because the bionic heart was paid for by the family it belongs to the family and are to decide what to do with it after it was removed. I had not anticipated that there were more decisions to be made and I was now responsible for the bionic heart and what to do with it. One of the nurses told me that in the same hospital there was a boy waiting for a heart as well and in fact it was a boy involved in the same accident.

I asked if the family involved would be the Silverman's, Ben's best friend's family. It was the Silverman's and their youngest son Austin was the one in need of the heart. I was more than relived that the heart could be of use to someone, unfortunately, things were not as easy as that. I was told that the bionic heart while compatible with anyone could only be transplanted into a patient by specialized doctors that unfortunately were done only at a private elite hospital that deals with these experimental organs. Furthermore a patient could only receive the bionic heart if it were done at one of those facilities and paid for in private. I know from personal experience with Ben that it's a costly affair and most people would not be able to afford it. With both his parents now deceased I was told it was likely that he wouldn't be eligible for the heart because of the financial implications involved.

I was irate that a young boys life was dependent upon who would foot the bill for his transplant and aftercare. I volunteered to pay for the boys transplant and aftercare but was also told that with the boy now being an orphan and to their knowledge having no other family that they would be put in foster care. And therefore I should rethink my wanting to give the heart to the young boy because he would not be in a place that would have the ideal environment for healing.

I was at my wits end with the hospital director because in my view they weren't thinking about the young boy now in their care as a human being but an expandable entity with no value to them. I was aghast and asked to meet the young boy. He was a ten-year-old boy that looked, fragile and so pale that my heart hurt seeing him. He could talk in fits and starts but it obviously tired him out with his heart barely able to cope. He said he knew that I was Ben's aunt Lisa because he saw a few pictures of me at Ben's home when his family visited at Ben's mums home whenever they went over for supper and visited together.

The poor boy cried as he told me he didn't know what was now going to happen to his baby sister with their parents and big brother being dead and with him soon going to the some way.

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 **Thank you for reading and for your feedback. Thank you, for taking the time out to review, I appreciate the effort.  
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